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These days people in some countries are living in a “throw-away” society, which means people use things in a short time and then throw them away. Causes and problems. v.4

These days people in some countries are living in a “throw-away” society, which means people use things in a short time and then throw them away. Causes and problems. v. 4
It is argued by some people that due to the frequent cases of bodily injury from boxing, it should be ban in this modern era. I disagree with this view because some non combative sports do cause similar injuries and there are measures put in place to protect boxers from injury. One significant reason for the support of boxing today is owning to the fact that some other common sports often result in similar injuries. In other words, sports such as football, car racing and baseball inflict people with life-threatening wounds or have caused the death of some sport personalities. For instance, in 2014, a popular young footballer in Nigeria, sustained a ruptured spleen while playing football and this lead to his death. Thus, it would not be just to restrict boxing when other sports result in physical injury as well. Furthermore, organisers of boxing matches do provide protective standards for the participants. This is geared towards reducing or preventing injuries during the course of a fight. For example, amateur boxers wear protective head gears in Olympic boxing matches while referees are authorise to stop a bloody fight and declare a winner before a knock out. These precautionary measures have helped to reduce the frequency and the severity of injuries. In conclusion, although boxers often sustain physical injury during fights, boxing should not be ban due to the fact that some other non combative sports cause similar injuries and protective measures are often ensured during fights. More people should be enlighten about these reasons.
It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that due to the frequent cases of
bodily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
injury
from boxing, it should be
Did you mean "banned"?
ban
in this modern era. I disagree with this view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non combative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
do cause similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
injuries
and there are measures put in place to protect boxers from injury.

One significant reason for the support of boxing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
The verb 'owning' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
is owning
to the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
result in similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
injuries
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such as football, car racing and baseball inflict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with life-threatening wounds or have caused the death of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
personalities.
For instance
, in 2014, a popular young footballer in Nigeria, sustained a ruptured spleen while playing football and this lead to his death.
Thus
, it would not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to restrict boxing when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
result in physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
injury
as well
.

Furthermore
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisers' is British English.
organisers
of boxing matches do provide protective standards for the participants. This
is geared
towards reducing or preventing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
injuries
during the course of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fight
.
For example
, amateur boxers wear protective head gears in Olympic boxing matches while referees are
Consider using a past participle here: "authorised".
authorise
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
a bloody
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fight
and declare a winner
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
a knock out. These precautionary measures have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the frequency and the severity of injuries.

In conclusion
, although boxers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
sustain physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
injury
during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fights
, boxing should not be ban due to the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non combative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
cause similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
injuries
and protective measures are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
ensured during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fights
. More
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should be
Consider using the past participle "enlightened"?
enlighten
about these reasons.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay These days people in some countries are living in a “throw-away” society, which means people use things in a short time and then throw them away. Causes and problems. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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