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Some people believe that hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.3

Some people believe that hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable. v. 3
It is believed that hobbies have to be challenging and advanced in order to be pleasing. In my opinion, I completely disagree with this view as I think hobbies are personal references and it varies depending on each individual’s aspire. Everyone has different personality and life; hence their hobbies can be very unique and it is not necessary to require extreme difficulty. In fact, there are a multitude of relaxing hobbies that vast majority of us commonly enjoy such as listening to music, reading books, painting…. Hobbies is subjective and its key aim is to let people discover unseen aspect and nurture themselves in their own preferred ways. We should not set standards, judge or compels anyone to live up to others ideal hobbies as it is starkly a personal choice. Another point to consider is that too much of a good thing could possibly be detrimental. Hobbies that have high level of difficulty is likely to be beneficial because it boosts your competitive spirit and gives you incentive to be an expert at it. In some case it may become your profession in the future. Nonetheless, continuously pushing and pressure yourself to only enjoy hobbies that are excessively hard could result in stress and anxiety. Furthermore, you would not be able to diversify and explore yourself if you solely seeking for a certain type of hobby. Despite others’ opinions, relaxation and your interests are the most important. To conclude, hobbies can be either easy or obstinate as long as it is enjoyable. Everyone should feel freely to decide what activity they want to dedicate their spare time to.
It
is believed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be challenging and advanced in order to
The verb 'pleasing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
be pleasing
. In my opinion, I completely disagree with this view as I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
are personal references and it varies depending on each individual’s
"Aspire" is a proper noun and needs to be capitalized.
aspire
.

Everyone has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
personality and life;
hence
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
can be
Consider using "unique".
very unique
and it is not necessary to require extreme difficulty. In fact, there are a multitude of relaxing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
that vast majority of us
commonly
enjoy such as listening to music, reading books, painting….
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Hobbies
You should probably use: "are" or "were".
is
subjective and its key aim is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
discover unseen aspect and nurture themselves in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
preferred ways. We should not set standards, judge or compels anyone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
up to others ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
as it is
starkly
a personal choice.

Another point to consider is that too much of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing could
possibly
be detrimental.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Hobbies
that have high level of difficulty is likely to be beneficial
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it boosts your competitive spirit and gives you incentive to be an expert at it. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
case it may become your profession in the future. Nonetheless,
continuously
pushing and pressure yourself to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
that are
excessively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
could result in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and anxiety.
Furthermore
, you would not be able to diversify and explore yourself if you
solely
seeking for a certain type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
. Despite others’ opinions, relaxation and your interests are the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
can be either easy or obstinate as long as it is enjoyable. Everyone should feel
freely
to decide what activity they want to dedicate their spare time to.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Some people believe that hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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