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The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing Do you agree or disagree? v.1

The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing v. 1
Nowadays, online shopping is more and more popular. Many people think online shopping will eventually take the place of offline stores, and all stores would be closed. It is radical, and I don't think this will happen. In this essay, I will show you why. It is true that online shopping has a prevalent influence in our life. It's convenient. We can buy almost everything at home - consumer goods, electronic products, or even furniture, and with the modern delivery system, we can receive them really quick. Except the demands from customs, the producer is also willing to sell their product online. Electronic commerce can reduce the cost for rent and distribute. It helps the manufacture to make more profits. In spite of the prevalence of online stores, the offline stores will never disappear. There are still many circumstances that people can't leave offline stores. Sometimes, the online pictures couldn't tell us the real experience. We have to try it in real stores. Sometimes, we want to go shopping with our friends. The online store may not a convenient for us to communicate. Sometimes, we need to buy something for emergency, while the online shopping couldn't deliver to us in time. There are also many disabled people who couldn't buy the thing online by themselves. The staffer in offline store may help them. Further more, the manufacture wants to keep its offline stores as well. Offline stores are not a place to sell products. They are also advertised for their brand. It gives people underlying impressions of the product. If I saw a brand in a shopping mall in the city centre, I would think it is creditable and in good quality. In conclusion, the online shopping will be more and more popular, many offline stores may face to be closed, but they will never disappear. We still need them.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is more and more popular.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
will
eventually
take the place of offline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
, and all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
would
be closed
. It is radical, and I don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this will happen. In this essay, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
you why.

It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has a prevalent influence in our life. It's convenient. We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
almost everything at home
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
consumer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
, electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, or even furniture, and with the modern delivery system, we can receive them
really
quick. Except the demands from customs, the producer is
also
willing to sell their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
. Electronic commerce can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the cost for rent and distribute. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the manufacture to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more profits.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
the prevalence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
, the offline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
will never disappear. There are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
circumstances that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
offline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
pictures couldn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
us the real experience. We
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
try it in real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, we want to go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
with our friends. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
may not a convenient for us to communicate.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, we need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
something for emergency, while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
couldn't deliver to us in time. There are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disabled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who couldn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the thing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
by themselves. The staffer in offline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them.
Further
more, the manufacture wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
its offline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
as well
. Offline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
are not a place to sell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. They are
also
advertised for their brand. It gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
underlying impressions of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
. If I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a brand in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
mall in the city
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
, I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is creditable and in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
quality.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
will be more and more popular,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
offline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
may face to
be closed
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they will never disappear. We
still
need them.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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