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These days many people leave their country to work abroad and take their family with them. Do you think benefits of this outweigh disadvantages in terms of family development? v.1

These days many people leave their country to work abroad and take their family with them. Do you think benefits of this outweigh disadvantages in terms of family development? v. 1
Families accompany an individual who goes to a foreign country for a job has more merits over its demerits. The main obvious benefit is that the family relationship becomes weak by distance. It means that couples often end up in divorce as they cannot live separately for a long duration. Take an Indian newspaper, for example, a recent report from Times of India on Kerla states that women end up in divorce while they are working as a nurse in another country such as Dubai as the husband cannot stay alone in his native place for too long duration. As a result, when families are together abroad, there is no effect on family bondings. Another pro point is that children, especially those who are young, can get the love of both parents.  If we deprive them from an affection of one parent, then it can cause some mental effect on their mind. For instance, a recent report from the Ministry of Home Affairs on the mental health of young people shows that adolescent who stay away from one of parents has a psychological effect on his mind on a certain point of time in their life. Therefore, it is better to stay together and parents should consider their family first rather than earning more. To conclude, families staying together have more pros than cons because the relation remain stronger among them and also daughters and sons get attention of both parents. Given that an individual who wants to go abroad for business or work should always consider taking family together.
Families
accompany an individual who goes to a foreign country for a job has more merits over its demerits.

The main obvious benefit is that the
family
relationship becomes weak by distance. It means that couples
often
end
up in divorce as they cannot
live
separately
for a long duration. Take an Indian newspaper,
for example
, a recent report from Times of India on
Kerla
states that women
end
up in divorce while they are working as a nurse in another country such as Dubai as the husband cannot stay alone in his native place for too long duration.
As a result
, when
families
are together abroad, there is no effect on
family
bondings
.

Another pro point is that children,
especially
those who are young, can
get
the 
love
of both parents.  If we
deprive them from
an affection of one parent, then it can cause
some
mental effect on their mind.
For instance
, a recent report from the Ministry of Home Affairs on the mental health of young
people
shows
that adolescent who stay away from one of parents has a psychological effect on his mind on a certain point of time in their life.
Therefore
, it is better to stay together and parents should consider their
family
first
 
rather
 than earning more.

To conclude
,
families
staying together have more pros than cons
because
the relation remain stronger among them and
also
daughters and sons
get
attention of both parents.
Given
that an individual who wants to go abroad for business or work should always consider taking
family
together.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay These days many people leave their country to work abroad and take their family with them. Do you think benefits of this outweigh disadvantages in terms of family development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
247 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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