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These days many people leave their country to work abroad and take their family with them. Do you think benefits of this outweigh disadvantages in terms of family development? v.2

These days many people leave their country to work abroad and take their family with them. Do you think benefits of this outweigh disadvantages in terms of family development? v. 2
It is true that genetic engineering is a key area of modern scientific research, with broad implications for all human societies. While I accept that this field of technology may have its dangers, I believe that the benefits of genetic engineering outweigh the drawbacks. The negative implications of genetic engineering are often discussed in terms of two key areas, which are food production and the cloning of humans. Genetically modified crops are already being grown, and people are concerned that they may damage whole ecosystems as foods become resistant to diseases and natural predators. But perhaps even more worrying is the possibility that humans could be modified or cloned. Some people imagine a world in which cloned humans are used to fight wars or to provide body part replacements. Although perhaps not a threat to life on earth, the implications of such practices would be unprecedented. A more optimistic prediction, and one that I favour, is that humans will find ways to mitigate the risks and use genetic technologies in a responsible way. From the food production perspective, genetic engineering could be the solution to famine in developing countries, if, for instance, crops can be grown more reliably in harsh conditions. From a medical perspective, scientists may use genetic engineering to produce vaccines, to cure diseases, or to correct a genetic defect before a child is born. If properly regulated, even cloning can be done in a way that improves lives. For example, the cloning of individual organs, such as a heart or kidney, could be permitted for transplant purposes. In conclusion, I am convinced that genetic engineering will have a positive impact on our lives, and that people's fears will be unwarranted.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
genetic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
is a key area of modern scientific research, with broad implications for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
societies. While I accept that this field of technology may have its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
, I believe that the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
genetic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
outweigh the drawbacks.

The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
implications of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
genetic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
discussed in terms of two key areas, which are food production and the cloning of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
.
Genetically
modified crops are already
being grown
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are concerned
that they may damage whole ecosystems as foods become resistant to diseases and natural predators.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
perhaps even more worrying is the possibility that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
could
be modified
or cloned.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
imagine a world in which cloned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to fight wars or to provide body part replacements. Although perhaps not a threat to life on earth, the implications of such practices would
be unprecedented
.

A more optimistic prediction, and one that I
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
, is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
will find ways to mitigate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
genetic
technologies
Consider replacing "in a responsible way" with the adverb for "responsible"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a responsible way
. From the food production perspective,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
genetic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
could be the solution to famine in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
, if,
for instance
, crops can
be grown
more
reliably
in harsh conditions. From a medical perspective, scientists may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
genetic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
to produce vaccines, to cure diseases, or to correct a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
genetic
defect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
a child
is born
. If
properly
regulated, even cloning can
be done
in a way that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
For example
, the cloning of individual organs, such as a heart or kidney, could
be permitted
for transplant purposes.

In conclusion
, I
am convinced
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
genetic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
will have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, and that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's fears will
be unwarranted
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay These days many people leave their country to work abroad and take their family with them. Do you think benefits of this outweigh disadvantages in terms of family development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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