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These days, many people have their own computer and telephone, so it is quite easy for them to do their job at home. Does working at home have more advantages or more disadvantages? v.3

These days, many people have their own computer and telephone, so it is quite easy for them to do their job at home. Does working at home have more advantages or more disadvantages? v. 3
The widespread use of the computers and telephones lead the quite massive alterations throughout various aspects of lives and the working areas where people seek to put the effort in order to get an outcome regarding their profession had also been affected by this upgoing trend. It is undeniable fact that the possibility of working outside of the offices, especially at homes via portable technological devices harbours backwards. However, I strongly argue that having the chance to work at home contains more advantages. It is generally argued by the ordinary and traditional workplace supporters that anywhere out of office possesses hazardous impact among individuals as distracting elements occur more frequently. First of all, people who had to focus on a specific activity tend to be distracted easily by almost every outer interventions. Furthermore, working in an office requires more strict shift regulations which provide the capability of observing and monitoring among employees for the heads of the corporations. On the other hand, this sort of freedom enables to keep individuals out of the constant stress atmosphere and depressing feeling set from the workplace environment. For instance, in a rainy and smoky day it might be more productive to pursue an idea on a comfortable chair in the living room rather than in a depressing and shared room by the colleagues. In addition to that working from home via computers contributes a fair amount time and money saving. In many metropolitans it is a common problem that the duration between work and a place where people live is sometimes more than two hours in daily basis. Besides that at least two meal per day amounts non-negligible numbers which could have been accumulated as a personal equity. As a conclusion, the new trend of converting households as a part of work place by the favour of computer and telephone devices might have some out of favour consequences while the benefits of this new trend clearly overweighs the backwards in many distinctive ways.
The widespread
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the computers and telephones lead the quite massive alterations throughout various aspects of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
areas where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
seek to put the effort in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an outcome regarding their profession had
also
been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by this
Possible spelling mistake found.
upgoing
trend. It is undeniable fact that the possibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
the offices,
especially
at homes via portable technological devices
Possible spelling mistake. 'harbours' is British English.
harbours
backwards.
However
, I
strongly
argue that having the chance to work at home contains more advantages.

It is
generally
argued by the ordinary and traditional workplace supporters that anywhere out of office possesses hazardous impact among individuals as distracting elements occur more
frequently
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who had to focus on a specific activity tend to
be distracted
easily
by almost every outer interventions.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in an office requires more strict shift regulations which provide the capability of observing and monitoring among employees for the heads of the corporations.

On the other hand
, this sort of freedom enables to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
individuals out of the constant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
atmosphere and depressing feeling set from the workplace environment.
For instance
, in a rainy and smoky day it might be more productive to pursue an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
on a comfortable chair in the living room
rather
than in a depressing and shared room by the colleagues.
In addition
to that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from home via computers contributes a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
amount time and money saving. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
metropolitans it is a common problem that the duration between work and a place where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
more than two hours in daily basis.
Besides
that at least two meal per day amounts non-negligible numbers which could have
been accumulated
as a personal equity.

As a conclusion, the new trend of converting households as a part of work place by the
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of computer and telephone devices might have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
out of
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
The usual preposition to use after "consequences" is not "while". Did you mean "consequences of", "consequences for", or "consequences on"?
consequences while
the benefits of this new trend
clearly
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweighs
the backwards in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
distinctive ways.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay These days, many people have their own computer and telephone, so it is quite easy for them to do their job at home. Does working at home have more advantages or more disadvantages? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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