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Today, more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as Sahara desert or the Antarctic. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places? v.2

Today, more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as Sahara desert or the Antarctic. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places? v. 2
There is no doubt that more and more people are able to travel to places that use to be difficult to get to. In my point of view, this kind of travel is definitely an exciting and unforgotten experience, but it also has some drawbacks. On the one hand, travel to difficulties places is now a popular way to relax at leisure time. It is simply because people can escape from their daily boring routine and leave all the troubles at work or study behind. At the same time, people are focused on overcoming the difficulties during the travel so many of then are able to see and learn new things and make new friends. More importantly, people will gain such a huge sense of accomplishment when they finally arrive at the final destination, The whole journey will be a precious memory that people will never forget. On the other hand, there are some drawbacks for tourists who travel to the dangerous places. One of the main issues is that the journey can be dangerous, which can cause sever damage to travelers or even death. For instance, climbing the Mount Everest has become more and more popular these days. Some agencies do not care if travelers have such experience of sufficient trainings before as far as they pay the money. However, People without good health condition or professional training suffer from low oxygen levels and extremely unpredictable weather conditions. This, in result, cause many people hurt badly on the way to the summit, and some of them even lose their lives. Moreover, the increase in tourists to those difficult places can have negative effects on the local environment. This can be explained by the fact that those places, such as the Sahara desert and the Amazon rain forest, normally has its own ecosystem with many special and endangered species. With more and more tourists leaving human traces and waste, the local animals and plants will be at risk. This will, in return, will affect the global climate and environment, a negative consequence that nobody would like to see. In conclusion, although traveling to different places is a stunning experience, people can get hurt during the trip, and local environment may be under pressure.
There is no doubt that more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
that
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
be difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to. In my point of view, this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
is definitely an exciting and unforgotten experience,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
to difficulties
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
a popular way to relax at leisure time. It is
simply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can escape from their daily boring routine and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
all the troubles at work or study behind. At the same time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are focused
on overcoming the difficulties during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of then are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
and learn new things and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new friends. More
importantly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will gain such a huge sense of accomplishment when they
finally
arrive at the final destination, The whole journey will be a precious memory that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will never forget.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks for tourists who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
. One of the main issues is that the journey can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
, which can cause sever damage to travelers or even death.
For instance
, climbing the Mount Everest has become more and more popular these days.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
agencies do not care if travelers have such experience of sufficient trainings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
as far as they pay the money.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health condition or professional training suffer from low oxygen levels and
extremely
unpredictable weather conditions. This, in result, cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hurt
badly
on the way to the summit, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them even lose their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Moreover
, the increase in tourists to those difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on the local environment. This can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
by the fact that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
, such as the Sahara desert and the Amazon rain forest,
normally
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
ecosystem with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
special and endangered species. With more and more tourists leaving human traces and waste, the local animals and plants will be at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
. This will, in return, will affect the global climate and environment, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequence that nobody would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
.

In conclusion
, although traveling to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
is a stunning experience,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
hurt during the trip, and local environment may be under pressure.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Today, more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as Sahara desert or the Antarctic. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
373 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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