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These days many families move abroad for work. Some people believe that this benefits the children in these families. Others believe that it makes their lives more difficult. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

These days many families move abroad for work. Some people believe that this benefits the children in these families. Others believe that it makes their lives more difficult. v. 1
In recent years, it has been observed that more and more families are migrating to other countries for jobs and a better life. However, some people think that this shifting can make lives of children troublesome while others deny saying it is more beneficial. In my opinion, the benefits are more compared to the problems. To begin with, families relocating to another country for jobs do have some detrimental effect on the lives of their children. Firstly, children have to leave their friends and relatives with whom they are attached deeply, and so they feel isolated sometimes when they miss their friends back in their own country. Secondly, these offspring are new to the environment where that have to start fresh. Also, they need to cope up with studies of the new school. A child, for instance, has to learn and understand new subjects, and there will be pressure on him to learn them quickly. However, this negative impact will last only in the initial period. Children do get adjusted to situations easily. If children find issues in adjusting for some time, they can get support from their parents. This changes is indeed advantageous for the offsprings to develop and grow in better environment. Learning different languages and cultures will help them to bond with the locals easily. It does enhance their intellectual abilities by getting more knowledge of other cultures. For example, a survey conducted by Bombay Times showed that children moving to other countries are 60% more intellectual than those staying in the same country. In conclusion, although there are issues at the start of shifting like feeling lonely and getting along with peers and studies, the benefits like getting a better life for the future is considered to be fruitful.
In recent years, it has
been observed
that more and more families are migrating to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
for jobs and a better life.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this shifting can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
troublesome while others deny saying it is more beneficial. In my opinion, the benefits are more compared to the problems.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, families relocating to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
for jobs do have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
detrimental effect on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their friends and relatives with whom they
are attached
deeply
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they feel isolated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
when they miss their friends back in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Secondly
, these offspring are new to the environment where that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
fresh.
Also
, they need to cope up with studies of the new school. A child,
for instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
learn and understand new subjects, and there will be pressure on him to learn them
quickly
.

However
, this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact will last
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in the initial period.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
adjusted to situations
easily
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
find issues in adjusting for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
support from their parents.
Did you mean "these"?
This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
You should probably use: "are".
is
indeed
advantageous for the
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
to develop and grow in better environment. Learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
languages and cultures will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to bond with the locals
easily
. It does enhance their intellectual abilities by getting more knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
cultures.
For example
, a survey conducted by Bombay Times
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
moving to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are 60% more intellectual than those staying in the same country.

In conclusion
, although there are issues at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
of shifting like feeling lonely and getting along with peers and studies, the benefits like getting a better life for the future
is considered
to be fruitful.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay These days many families move abroad for work. Some people believe that this benefits the children in these families. Others believe that it makes their lives more difficult. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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