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These days many children spend a lot of their time playing computer games but little time doing sports? Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v.1

These days many children spend a lot of their time playing computer games but little time doing sports? Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 1
Although, it is sometimes thought that playing computer games by sitting in the room make young ones lazy as well as slows down the growth, while other parents find this is an opportunity to becoming expert in computer skills. I believe this is a negative development, as apart from skills of learning, youngsters actually lagging behind in so many things. Proponents of its positive development, regarding computer games, these games has improved child's understanding of computer softwares. Prior to these facilities, persons had lack technical skills. However, due to computer games, students now have developed interest in computer learning also which ultimately benefits them for long. Furtgermore, nowadays, they are using any softwares like an expert. For example, one of my cousins, have learned elementary skills by using phone games, no one has teached her. On the other hand, variety of computer games enticed the youngsters mind fastly. In other words, myriad of games make young ones greedy to play for more. Hence, this habit, avert the situation to go out and play other sport on the field. They find them more interesting, that is why, they are avoiding it. Despite, its positive influence, it destroy their health condition in terms of physical, mentally because playing outdoor game demands physical existence of a person. Apart from exercise, sports are also beneficial for student concise development and mental growth ability, by it they can become more creative. In conclusion, despite of some positive aspects, computer game negative influences outweigh because, to secure future, its not a good idea to ruin their present condition. To make them compatible with world, social going out skills are necessary not only for living but to make a difference.
Although, it is
sometimes
thought
that playing computer
games
by sitting in the room
make
young
ones
lazy
as well
as slows down the growth, while
other
parents find this is an opportunity to becoming expert in computer
skills
. I believe this is a
negative
development, as apart from
skills
of learning, youngsters actually lagging behind in
so
many
things.

Proponents of its
positive
development, regarding computer
games
, these
games
has
improved
child's understanding of computer
softwares
. Prior to these facilities, persons had lack technical
skills
.
However
, due to computer
games
, students
now
have developed interest in computer learning
also
which
ultimately
benefits them for long.
Furtgermore
, nowadays, they are using any
softwares
like an expert.
For example
, one of my cousins, have learned elementary
skills
by using phone
games
, no one has
teached
her.

On the
other
hand, variety of computer
games
enticed the youngsters mind
fastly
. In
other
words, myriad of
games
make
young
ones
greedy to play for more.
Hence
, this habit, avert the situation to go out and play
other
sport on the field. They find them more interesting,
that is
why, they are avoiding it. Despite, its
positive
influence, it
destroy
their health condition in terms of physical, mentally
because
playing outdoor game demands physical existence of a person. Apart from exercise, sports are
also
beneficial for student concise development and mental growth ability, by
it
they can become more creative.

In conclusion
,
despite of
some
positive
aspects, computer game
negative
influences outweigh
because
, to secure future, its not a
good
idea
to ruin their present condition. To
make
them compatible with world, social going out
skills
are necessary not
only
for living
but
to
make
a difference.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay These days many children spend a lot of their time playing computer games but little time doing sports? Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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