Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

These days many children spend a lot of their time playing computer games but little time doing sports? Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v.1

These days many children spend a lot of their time playing computer games but little time doing sports? Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 1
Although, it is sometimes thought that playing computer games by sitting in the room make young ones lazy as well as slows down the growth, while other parents find this is an opportunity to becoming expert in computer skills. I believe this is a negative development, as apart from skills of learning, youngsters actually lagging behind in so many things. Proponents of its positive development, regarding computer games, these games has improved child's understanding of computer softwares. Prior to these facilities, persons had lack technical skills. However, due to computer games, students now have developed interest in computer learning also which ultimately benefits them for long. Furtgermore, nowadays, they are using any softwares like an expert. For example, one of my cousins, have learned elementary skills by using phone games, no one has teached her. On the other hand, variety of computer games enticed the youngsters mind fastly. In other words, myriad of games make young ones greedy to play for more. Hence, this habit, avert the situation to go out and play other sport on the field. They find them more interesting, that is why, they are avoiding it. Despite, its positive influence, it destroy their health condition in terms of physical, mentally because playing outdoor game demands physical existence of a person. Apart from exercise, sports are also beneficial for student concise development and mental growth ability, by it they can become more creative. In conclusion, despite of some positive aspects, computer game negative influences outweigh because, to secure future, its not a good idea to ruin their present condition. To make them compatible with world, social going out skills are necessary not only for living but to make a difference.
Although, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
by sitting in the room
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
lazy
as well
as slows down the growth, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
parents find this is an opportunity to becoming expert in computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. I believe this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development, as apart from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
of learning, youngsters actually lagging behind in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things.

Proponents of its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development, regarding computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
child's understanding of computer
Possible spelling mistake found.
softwares
. Prior to these facilities, persons had lack technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
However
, due to computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
have developed interest in computer learning
also
which
ultimately
benefits them for long.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Furtgermore
, nowadays, they are using any
Possible spelling mistake found.
softwares
like an expert.
For example
, one of my cousins, have learned elementary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
by using phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, no one has
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "taught", the past tense form of the verb 'teach'?
teached
her.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, variety of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
enticed the youngsters mind
Possible spelling mistake found.
fastly
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, myriad of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
greedy to play for more.
Hence
, this habit, avert the situation to go out and play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
sport on the field. They find them more interesting,
that is
why, they are avoiding it. Despite, its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
influence, it
Did you mean "destroys"?
destroy
their health condition in terms of physical, mentally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
playing outdoor game demands physical existence of a person. Apart from exercise, sports are
also
beneficial for student concise development and mental growth ability, by
Consider adding a comma here.
it
they can become more creative.

In conclusion
,
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects, computer game
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influences outweigh
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, to secure future, its not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to ruin their present condition. To
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them compatible with world, social going out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are necessary not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for living
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a difference.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay These days many children spend a lot of their time playing computer games but little time doing sports? Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts