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People sleep less than before in many countries. Why do people speep less? What effect does it have on an individual and on society? v.5

People sleep less than before in many countries. Why do people speep less? What effect does it have on an individual and on society? v. 5
In many parts of the world, people now get considerably limited number of hours to sleep as compared to the past. This trend is mainly because of increasing stress and effects of digital age, which has serious repercussions on individuals as well as society. To begin with, the competitive and hectic lifestyle of the modern era requires people to ne more attentive than ever before. Nowadays, individuals are in a constant race of being successful and fulfilling their basic needs as a result they get less amount of sleep which is considered as a virtue these days. For instance, most of the high profile personalities with great achievements take pride in cutting down of their rest hours and consider that as a key to success. . Furthermore, the digitalization has sorrounded us with a lot of screens such as television, computers, laptops, iPads and mobile phones, the light from which when continously falls on the eyes makes the brain more awake and prevents it from falling asleep. Unfortunately, this phenomenon has a drastic affect on individuals and society. By having less sleeping hours, people will lose their ability to relax and energize their body as well as mind, which will lead to psychiatric issues like anxiety and depression. Moreover, reduced resting time also results in health conditions including increased blood pressure, obesity etc. in addition, it effects the mental concentration which hinders their productivity, all of these eventually result in weak society. To cite an example, if drivers have few hours of sleep than their actual body requirement and start working they will be dangerous not only to themselves but also to other members of the society. In conclusion, use of more computerised devices and persistent run after acquiring success instead of good sleep are the major factors for sleep deprivation. This results in negatively affecting individuals psychological and physical well-being which makes the society fragile with less output.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the world,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
considerably
limited number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
as compared to the past. This trend is
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of increasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and effects of digital age, which has serious repercussions on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
as well
as society.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the competitive and hectic lifestyle of the modern era requires
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
Did you mean "né", "me", or "no"?
ne
more attentive than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are in a constant race of being successful and fulfilling their basic needs as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
less amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
which
is considered
as a virtue these days.
For instance
, most of the high profile personalities with great achievements take pride in cutting down of their rest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
and consider that as a key to success.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Furthermore
, the digitalization has
Possible spelling mistake found.
sorrounded
us with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
screens such as television, computers, laptops, iPads and mobile phones, the light from which when
Possible spelling mistake found.
continously
falls on the eyes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the brain more awake and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
it from falling asleep.

Unfortunately, this phenomenon has a drastic
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
and society. By having less sleeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will lose their ability to relax and energize their body
as well
as mind, which will lead to psychiatric issues like anxiety and depression.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
resting time
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
results
in health conditions including increased blood pressure, obesity etc.
in addition
, it effects the mental concentration which hinders their productivity, all of these
eventually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
in weak society. To cite an example, if drivers have few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
than their actual body requirement and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
working they will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to other members of the society.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of more
Possible spelling mistake. 'computerised' is British English.
computerised
devices and persistent run after acquiring success
instead
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
are the major factors for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
deprivation. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
results
in
negatively
affecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
psychological and physical well-being which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the society fragile with less output.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay People sleep less than before in many countries. Why do people speep less? What effect does it have on an individual and on society? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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