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These days many children spend a lot of their time playing computer games but little time doing sports. Why is this? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? v.2

These days many children spend a lot of their time playing computer games but little time doing sports. Why is this? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? v. 2
In recent years, digitization has had a severe impact, especially on children. The impact of urbanization and modernization has been very severe, and this has led children being addicted to online videogames in favor of outdoor sports. The essay will discuss reasons responsible for such a development along with the negative aspects pertaining to the issue. To begin with, urbanization has resulted in elimination of playgrounds from cities and towns. Consequently, this has resulted in the construction of shopping malls and huge buildings. Thus, children do not have the necessary place to play outdoor sports. For instance, a survey in Mumbai revealed that approximately 40% of open land was used for construction purposes, since the start of the millennium. In addition, the security of children is another issue as parents are wary to send them outside to play. So, parents engage their children by letting them play online video games. However, studies have shown that playing video games for a longer time is known to have a detrimental effect on the child’s body. Although it enhances mental learning skills, but is also known to have an effect on physical and other mental activities. For instance, studies have established a clear relationship that a sedentary lifestyle leads to obesity in children. Furthermore, physical activity helps a child in the development of cognitive abilities like decision making and problem solving. In addition, sports also teaches various other like lessons like team management, working in a group and ability to take success and failure alike. To conclude, although playing video games keep children engaged for hours, it does not overall help in their development. Thus, I strongly believe that spending too much time playing online games is harmful for the upcoming generation.
In recent years, digitization has had a severe impact,
especially
on
children
. The impact of urbanization and modernization has been
very
severe, and this has led
children
being addicted
to online
videogames
in favor of outdoor sports. The essay will discuss reasons responsible for such a development along with the
negative
aspects pertaining to the issue.

To
begin
with, urbanization has resulted in elimination of playgrounds from cities and towns.
Consequently
, this has resulted in the construction of shopping malls and huge buildings.
Thus
,
children
do not have the necessary place to play outdoor sports.
For instance
, a survey in Mumbai revealed that approximately 40% of open land was
used
for construction purposes, since the
start
of the millennium.
In addition
, the security of
children
is another issue as parents are wary to
send
them outside to play.
So
, parents engage their
children
by letting them play online video games.

However
, studies have shown that playing video games for a longer time
is known
to have a detrimental effect on the child’s body. Although it enhances mental learning
skills
,
but
is
also
known to have an effect on physical and other mental activities.
For instance
, studies have established a
clear
relationship that a sedentary lifestyle leads to obesity in
children
.
Furthermore
, physical activity
helps
a child in the development of cognitive abilities like
decision making
and problem solving.
In addition
, sports
also
teaches various other like lessons like team management, working in a group and ability to take success and failure alike.

To conclude
, although playing video games
keep
children
engaged for hours, it does not
overall
help
in their development.
Thus
, I
strongly
believe that spending too much time playing online games is harmful for the upcoming generation.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay These days many children spend a lot of their time playing computer games but little time doing sports. Why is this? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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