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Doing an enjoyable activity with a child can develop better skills and more creativity than reading. To what extent do you agree? Use reasons and specific examples to explain your answer. v.10

In these days, it is thought that doing fancy activities with youngsters together is more beneficial to improve essential skills of children compared to just reading. Personally, I totally agree with this aspect as cooperation is a key point to learn social skills better. Children can learn much more by playing activities with their parents. As long as children get bored quickly when they are alone and lose their interests for learning. So parents ought to do as much as enjoyable activities with children as a result they can learn more skills such as working together, problem solving and thinking creatively that it is hard to learn by just reading. Although, it is required parents spend more time, this way significantly beneficial. Also parents playing and doing activities with their children, can build ideal relationship between each other. As future generation can make sure that they are able to rely on their parents in dificult events. For example, children will begin respecting and telling their secrets to their parents because of atmosphere in a family cooperative activitities created. Reading books can provide information about role of parents and looking up them, however, it can not replace the position of parent-child cooperation In conclusion, in my point of view, reading is really helpful for the development of vital skills but it is clear that children get much more social skills by doing creative and enjoyable activities with others.
In these days, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that doing fancy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
with youngsters together is more beneficial to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
of
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children
compared to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
.
Personally
, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this aspect as cooperation is a key point to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
social
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skills
better.

Children can
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learn
much more by playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. As long as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
bored
quickly
when they are alone and lose their
The usual collocation for “interests” is “in”, not “for”. Did you mean “interests in”?
interests for
learning.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
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parents
ought to do as much as enjoyable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
with
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children
as a result
they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as working together,
This noun or verb “problem-solving” is spelled with a hyphen.
problem solving
and thinking
creatively
that it is
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hard
to
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learn
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
. Although, it
is required
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
spend more time, this way
significantly
beneficial.

Also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
playing and doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, can build ideal relationship between each other.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
future generation can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that they are able to rely on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
dificult
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events
.
For example
,
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children
will
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begin
respecting and telling their secrets to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of atmosphere in a family cooperative
Possible spelling mistake found.
activitities
created.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Reading
books can provide information about role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and looking up them,
however
, it can not replace the position of parent-child
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
cooperation


In conclusion
, in my point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
is
really
helpful for the development of vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
much more social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
by doing creative and enjoyable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
with others.
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Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Doing an enjoyable activity with a child can develop better skills and more creativity than reading. Use reasons and specific examples to explain your answer.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
237 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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