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These day it seems that an increasing number of people are leaving rural areas to live in the city. Discuss some of the effects of rural depopulation and suggest some ways on which this trend could be reversed. v.1

These day it seems that an increasing number of people are leaving rural areas to live in the city. Discuss some of the effects of rural depopulation and suggest some ways on which this trend could be reversed. v. 1
As it usually happens, many children have an unhealthy lifestyle. In particular, those are kids that are being brought in unstable families. It may be quality of meals, luck of healthy nutrition and vitamins, smoking, fast food addiction etc. There are plenty of factors may cause these consequences. One of the most important reasons is that their parents are responsible for their way of life. As a matter of fact, another institution which makes an impact on children is a school. In fact, parents play a key role for a newborn baby. They represent a role-model for their kids for the first fifteen years. If a family member there is an intention to alcohol or fast food, a child might accumulate those bad habits. As a result, it may lead to deceases, obesity, and as a sequence psychological problem. Parents should provide care and stability for their kids, they should teach them following to some important principles to be healthy. On the other hand, school is a social institution which plays an important role in bringing up children. Kids are at school every day, five days a week. In this case teachers are authorities who have a special power in forming habits and mental abilities. Furthermore, during the first years of life child's brain create new connections which are strengthened through the time. In this way schools could help to stimulate either positive or negative connections. The more positive experience is, the stronger it is. Teachers might motivate and develop those by giving a good start. To sum up, children are mostly formed by their parents and schools. They are less likely might be influenced by anyone else, except for some specific cases. Very often, kids just copy their parents' behaviour so that they should be very attentive to every move they make. School as a social institution, to some extent, strengthens the effect. It helps to practice those skills, to develop them. Teachers, in turn, are given strong credentials of both, parents and children.
As it
usually
happens,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have an unhealthy lifestyle.
In particular
, those are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
that are
being brought
in unstable families. It may be quality of meals, luck of healthy nutrition and vitamins, smoking,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food addiction etc. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of factors may cause these consequences. One of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reasons is that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are responsible for their way of life. As a matter of fact, another institution which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
an impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is a school.

In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
play a key role for a newborn baby. They represent a role-model for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
for the
first
fifteen years. If a family member there is an intention to alcohol or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food, a child might accumulate those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits.
As a result
, it may lead to deceases, obesity, and as a sequence psychological problem.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
should provide care and stability for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
, they should teach them following to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
principles to be healthy.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is a social institution which plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in bringing up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Kids
are at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
every day, five days a week.
In this case
teachers are authorities who have a special power in forming habits and mental abilities.
Furthermore
, during the
first
years of life child's brain create new connections which
are strengthened
through the time. In this way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to stimulate either
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
connections. The more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
experience is, the stronger it is. Teachers might motivate and develop those by giving a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
mostly
formed by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. They are less likely might
be influenced
by anyone else,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specific cases.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
copy their parents'
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
attentive to every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
as a social institution, to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, strengthens the effect. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to practice those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, to develop them. Teachers, in turn, are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
strong credentials of both,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay These day it seems that an increasing number of people are leaving rural areas to live in the city. Discuss some of the effects of rural depopulation and suggest some ways on which this trend could be reversed. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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