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These days, children tend to spend a great deal of time playing computer games. Some believe this is a beneficial trend while others think it is detrimental. v.1

These days, children tend to spend a great deal of time playing computer games. Some believe this is a beneficial trend while others think it is detrimental. v. 1
Nowadays, many children spend a considerable amount of their time by playing computer games. While most of the people, especially parents, think that this is a waste of valuable time and this time should be utilised for learning academic lessons or taking part in outdoor activities, very few think playing computer games is helpful for children’s cognitive development. I firmly believe that children should play computer games particularly brain games and strategy games but a balance should be maintained so that it does not become an addiction. In the highly developed technological modern world, it is important for children to play computer games. Firstly, by doing this they can learn how to use computers and become familiar with new technology. Moreover, children communicate to each other at school during the break and often discuss different strategies of some particular computer game. Not only they develop their skills and knowledge such as 3D vision, imagination, and fantasy by playing those, but also computer game is the new modern way of leisure activity for young people, which help them develop thinking patterns, have friends online and build an online world. Many computer games are great learning resources and therefore parents and teacher should supervise what type of games a child play and how much time they spend on that. On the other hand, spending too much time on computer games might be dangerous for children. For example, some children may not do their homework because they become addicted to computer games and play those most of the time. Also, children have less face-to-face communication with their friends and families as they are busy with games. Furthermore, some of youngest might even become aggressive as computer games expose them to violence and fighting. Therefore, the assistance from adults is needed to help children to keep a balance between computer games and other compulsory deals. Spending too much time can be detrimental to the children’s health, especially for their eyes. To conclude, a balance is required to ensure children are not playing computer games too much and spending a lot of time in front of computers may lead to disadvantages in other arrears of life such as social communications. However, playing computer games for learning and exploring new ideas can be a very effective way to enhance knowledge and imagination for children.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend a considerable amount of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. While most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
especially
parents,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this is a waste of valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
should be
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
for learning academic lessons or taking part in outdoor activities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is helpful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
cognitive development. I
firmly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
particularly
brain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and strategy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a balance should
be maintained
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
an addiction.

In the
highly
developed technological modern world, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Firstly
, by doing this they can learn how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
familiar with new technology.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
communicate to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
at school during the break and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
strategies of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
particular computer game. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
they develop their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and knowledge such as 3D vision, imagination, and fantasy by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
those,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
computer game is the new modern way of leisure activity for young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them develop thinking patterns, have friends online and build an online world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are great learning resources and
therefore
parents and teacher should supervise what type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
a child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
and how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they spend on that.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, spending too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
might be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may not do their homework
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
addicted to computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
those most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have less face-to-face communication with their friends and families as they are busy with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of
A determiner is probably missing here: "the youngest".
youngest
might even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
aggressive as computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
expose them to violence and fighting.
Therefore
, the assistance from adults
is needed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a balance between computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
compulsory deals. Spending too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
can be detrimental to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
health,
especially
for their eyes.

To conclude
, a balance
is required
to ensure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
and spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in front of computers may lead to disadvantages in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
arrears of life such as social communications.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
for learning and exploring new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
can be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
effective way to enhance knowledge and imagination for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
56Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay These days, children tend to spend a great deal of time playing computer games. Some believe this is a beneficial trend while others think it is detrimental. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
388 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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