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These days children spend more time on doing homework or participating in school-related activities or sports. However, they should be given more time to do whatever they want. v.2

These days children spend more time on doing homework or participating in school-related activities or sports. However, they should be given more time to do whatever they want. v. 2
The past several decades have witnessed the booming quality of education. Under this circumstance, the growing numbers of people trigger a heated debate about whether children should be given more time to do whatever they like in order to cultivate well-rounded students. Some people harbor the opinion that students should have the rights to decide what they should do. Other individuals, however, view this issue from a different angle and conceive that doing homework and taking part in activities benefits students a lot. Taking these two views into consideration, I highly sympathize the latter one and the following paragraphs will testify to the credibility of this argument. To begin with, from the most convincing reasons from the supporters, one must be stressed is that doing homework is a good way to improve students' study efficiency. As we know, as a student, we should spend approximately ten hours a day at school on taking a variety of classes, such as science course, liberal arts, mathematics, etc. and preparing the different kinds of exams. In this circumstance, it is impossible for students to absorb all knowledge in class due to the tons of new knowledge that need to be acquired. Thus, the best way for us is that only by doing homework can we have a deeper and better understanding of the school work. Just in this way, we could stand a fair chance to get better scores in exams. In the long run, it definitely benefits students' graduation. Consequently, only by doing homework can students have a happy school life and a brighter future. In addition to the importance of doing homework, I have to notice that it is convincing to lend credence a view that to consider participating the activities in school would be the guarantee for students' mental and physical health because they have a great chance to cultivate some crucial qualities and values through the activities. Besides that, it provides students a previous opportunity to do exercise which can strengthen their physical conditions. Taking playing football, as an example. Students usually form a team to compete with the other team through playing football. Through taking part in the team, they view themselves as team members. What is more, an excellent football team seems like a sophisticated instrument: Midfields are responsible for attacks; Strikers attack and sore goals; Defenders are trying to prevent the opponents to get into the box; Scorekeepers tries to keep the sheet clean. During playing football, students know what the sports spirit is, which is being stronger and being higher. Furthermore, they cultivate the spirit of persistence and endurance due to they need to copy with different kind of difficulties like boring, tiredness and uncomforted. Besides, by playing football, students sweat a lot which is another chance to take a rest and enhance their body conditions. However, I am not denying the benefits that letting themselves choose whatever they want can boost their happiness. But most of the students are immature, it might be difficult for them to distinguish right from wrong. Under such circumstance, no one can guarantee that they would not be trapped into bad behaviors like violence and drug. In this way, compared with staying in school and finishing their homework and being the part of school activities, it is not wise to allow students to follow their true callings. To sum up, I highly support the argument that our students should spend a lot of time on school work and motivate ourselves to participate in school activities. Since only by doing this can we have a better body condition and live a happy life, which will lead a brighter future than before.
The past several decades have witnessed the booming quality of education. Under this circumstance, the growing numbers of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
trigger a heated debate about whether children should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
more time to do whatever they like in order to cultivate well-rounded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
harbor the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should have the rights to decide what they should do. Other individuals,
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
this issue from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
angle and conceive that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
and taking part in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
benefits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
a lot. Taking these two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
views
into consideration, I
highly
sympathize the latter one and the following paragraphs will testify to the credibility of this argument.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, from the most convincing reasons from the supporters, one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
Possible spelling mistake found.
students&
#039; study efficiency. As we know, as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
, we should spend approximately ten hours a day at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
on taking a variety of classes, such as science course, liberal arts, mathematics, etc. and preparing the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of exams. In this circumstance, it is impossible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to absorb all knowledge in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
due to the tons of new knowledge that need to
be acquired
.
Thus
, the best way for us is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
can we have a deeper and better understanding of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
work.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
in this way, we could stand a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better scores in exams. In the long run, it definitely benefits
Possible spelling mistake found.
students&
#039; graduation.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have a happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
life and a brighter future.

In addition
to the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
notice that it is convincing
Did you mean "lending"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'convince' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to lend
credence a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
that to consider participating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
would be the guarantee for
Possible spelling mistake found.
students&
#039; mental and physical health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have a great chance to cultivate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
crucial qualities and values through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
Besides
that, it provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
a previous opportunity to do exercise which can strengthen their physical conditions. Taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
, as an example.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
usually
form a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
to compete with the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
. Through taking part in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
themselves as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
members.
What is more
, an excellent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
seems like a sophisticated instrument:
Possible spelling mistake found.
Midfields
are responsible for attacks; Strikers attack and sore goals; Defenders are trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the opponents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into the box; Scorekeepers tries to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the sheet clean. During
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
know what the sports spirit is, which is being stronger and being higher.
Furthermore
, they cultivate the spirit of persistence and endurance due to they need to copy with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kind of difficulties like boring, tiredness and
Possible spelling mistake found.
uncomforted
.
Besides
, by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
sweat a lot which is another chance to take a rest and enhance their body conditions.

However
, I
The verb 'denying' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
am not denying
the benefits that letting themselves choose whatever they want can boost their happiness.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are immature, it might be difficult for them to distinguish right from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
. Under such circumstance, no one can guarantee that they would not
be trapped
into
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
behaviors like violence and drug. In this way, compared with staying in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and finishing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
and being the part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, it is not wise to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to follow their true callings.

To sum up, I
highly
support the argument that our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
work and motivate ourselves to participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. Since
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
this can we have a better body condition and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a happy life, which will lead a brighter future than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
59Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay These days children spend more time on doing homework or participating in school-related activities or sports. However, they should be given more time to do whatever they want. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
611 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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