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Some people say that the best way to discourage smoking is to make smoking illegal in public spaces Other people say that this is not enough and that other measures are needed Discuss both views and give your opinion v.1

Some people say that the best way to discourage smoking is to make smoking illegal in public spaces Other people say that this is not enough and that other measures are needed 1
There is no doubt that most people are not as fit as and active, as they were in the past. Most of the countries are trying to look into the root causes of this issue. In this essay I will discuss some of the causes of this problem, and also suggest some solutions for the issue. As far as I am concerned, The main cause of this problem is the inorganic food materials available in the market. In olden days, people used to take organic food. For example, They used to grow wheat crops and other food crops without using pesticides. Nowadays, the quality of the materials is very poor. By consuming this, people are becoming sick. In order to solve this issue, use of pesticides should be reduced. The government also should alert the Food Quality Department regarding this issue, and the department should do proper tests before giving approval for a product. Another cause of this problem is lack of exercise. Earlier, people used to work out every day for at least an hour, but these days, Many people became very busy with their works and they completely stopped exercising. For example, In IT industry, Many people don't get time to work out because of their tight schedule. In my view, Even though, You are busy with works, Give at least an hour to work out. This would help to be fit. In conclusion, The problems which we discussed above are insurmountable. If every individual work on this, then definitely we would come out of this situation. The government also should bring some awareness among the people regarding the benefits of taking organic food.
There is no doubt that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not as fit as and active, as they were in the past. Most of the countries are trying to look into the root
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
of this issue. In this essay I will discuss
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, and
also
suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions for the issue.

As far as I
am concerned
, The main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is the inorganic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
materials available in the market. In olden days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to take organic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
For example
, They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to grow wheat crops and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
crops without using pesticides. Nowadays, the quality of the materials is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
poor. By consuming this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming sick. In order to solve this issue,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of pesticides should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
also
should alert the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Food
Quality Department regarding this issue, and the department should do proper
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
giving approval for a product.

Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is lack of exercise. Earlier,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
out every day for at least an hour,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
became
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
busy with their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
works and
they completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
exercising.
For example
, In IT industry,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their tight schedule. In my view,
Even though
, You are busy with works, Give at least an hour to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
out. This would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
be fit
.

In conclusion
, The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
which we discussed above are insurmountable. If every individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on this, then definitely we would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out of this situation. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
also
should bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
awareness among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
regarding the benefits of taking organic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that the best way to discourage smoking is to make smoking illegal in public spaces Other people say that this is not enough and that other measures are needed 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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