Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Businesses should do anything they can to make a profit. v.3

Businesses should do anything they can to make a profit. v. 3
I do not agree with the statement that businesses should do anything they can to make a profit. I state my opinion on the following points. First of all, every company must have its moral code. It means that a company should treat its clients properly and respect their rights. Of cause a company may lose a part of its profit but the security of its clients must be in the first place. Otherwise, clients will switch to another company and never be back. For instance, a few years ago "Jonson & Jonson" produced a new type of painkillers. Unfortunately, this product was not tested properly. As a result of this, many people died and received injuries. The president of the company made a crucial decision to call back all painkillers from all distributors and pay to all injured customers for their treatment. It cost a lot of money for the company but it saved its image and clients. It was a very difficult decision, but the president of the company understood that it would cost him even more in the future because he would not be able to return clients' respect. Losing customers means for a company losing its profit. Second of all, in order to succeed in the modern world companies have to compete with each other. Many companies lose their profit decreasing prices on their products. They do not aspire for extra profit but for clients' satisfaction. Companies do it because they want their products sold and their customers satisfied. They offer discounts, free delivery, free service, free Internet access, good return service, etc. All these are done to make their old customers happy and attract new clients. To sum up, I think a company, which the only goal is profit will not succeed nowadays. Otherwise, companies that respect their clients and want to see them satisfied will make a fortune.
I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that businesses should do anything they can to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profit
. I state my opinion on the following points.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have its moral code. It means that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
should treat its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clients
properly
and respect their rights.

Did you mean "of course" (=naturally)?
Of cause
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
may lose a part of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the security of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clients
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be in the
first
place.
Otherwise
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clients
will switch to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
and never be back.
For instance
, a few years ago
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Jonson & Jonson
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
produced a new type of painkillers. Unfortunately, this product was not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tested
properly
.
As a result
of this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
and received injuries. The president of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
made a crucial decision to call back all painkillers from all distributors and pay to all injured
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
for their treatment. It cost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it saved its image and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clients
. It was a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult decision,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the president of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
understood that it would cost him even more in the future
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he would not be able to return clients' respect. Losing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
means for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
losing its profit.

Second of all, in order to succeed in the modern world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
compete with each other.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
lose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profit
decreasing prices on their products. They do not aspire for extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for clients' satisfaction.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Companies
do it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want their products sold and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
satisfied. They offer discounts, free delivery, free service, free Internet access,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
return service, etc. All these
are done
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
happy and attract new clients.

To sum up, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, which the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
goal is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profit
will not succeed nowadays.
Otherwise
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
that respect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clients
and want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
them satisfied will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a fortune.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Businesses should do anything they can to make a profit. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts