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Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age and should spend most of their time on school studies. Others believe that young children should spend most of their time playing. Compare these two views. v.3

Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age and should spend most of their time on school studies. Others believe that young children should spend most of their time playing. Compare these two views. v. 3
People learn through their entire lives. Curiosity was always the basic characteristic of a human being. We always want to break limits and learn more. At this point, some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age and spend most of their time on school studies. This will help them to succeed in the future. However, for several reasons, which I will explain bellow, I think that children should not study at a very early age. Of course, children who begin to study at a very early age have more chances to succeed in the future. They gain more knowledge and experience which are priceless and valuable. In addition, studying more now they will give them the opportunity to perfect their knowledge in the future and become better professionals. However, I think that every child must have his or her childhood. Children should learn through playing and communication with their friends and parents. I think that such basic qualities as kindness, self-confidence and just a good sense of humour can not be gained from studying. Children should more time spend with their family, playing and learning with their parents. Imagine that a child instead of playing with his friends does his homework and feel exhausted and tired. Another important aspect of this is that children at their early ages need more exercise because at this age the development of their body is an essential aspect. Children, first of all, must be healthy. To sum up, I think that children should have their careless childhood with no responsibilities. Moreover, I am sure that playing helps them develop not only their bones and muscles but their ability to make decisions, analyse things, make conclusions, which is very good for their future.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
learn through their entire
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Curiosity was always the basic characteristic of a human being. We always want to break limits and learn more. At this point,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
their formal education at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
and spend most of their time on school studies. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to succeed in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
However
, for several reasons, which I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
bellow, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not study at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
age.

Of course
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to study at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
have more chances to succeed in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
. They gain more knowledge and experience which are priceless and valuable.
In addition
, studying more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
they will give them the opportunity to perfect their knowledge in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
and become better professionals.

However
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that every child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
childhood.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
should learn through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
and communication with their friends and parents. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that such basic qualities as kindness, self-confidence and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
sense of
Possible spelling mistake. 'humour' is British English.
humour
can not
be gained
from studying.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
should more time spend with their family,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
and learning with their parents. Imagine that a child
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
with his friends does his homework and feel exhausted and tired. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect of this is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
need more exercise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
at this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
the development of their body is an essential aspect.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
,
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be healthy.

To sum up, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should have their careless childhood with no responsibilities.
Moreover
, I am sure that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them develop not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
their bones and muscles
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decisions,
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
things,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
conclusions, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age and should spend most of their time on school studies. Others believe that young children should spend most of their time playing. Compare these two views. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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