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High schools should allow students to study the courses that students want to study. v.1

High schools should allow students to study the courses that students want to study. v. 1
The question whether a high school should allow students to study the courses that students want to study is the one that is open for debate. Some people believe that students in high school should have the right to study the courses they like. However, other people disagree and stand that teenagers can not totally be sure what they like and what they need to know at their age. In this essay, I will analyse these points and present my view in favour of people who believe that some courses must be required to study by students. From the one side, having a chance to choose what one likes to study can bring many benefits. First of all, a student can be better prepared for the career he likes because he can spend more time studying what he is interested in. Second of all, students will learn with more enthusiasm because they will learn what they like. From the other side, teenagers often can not completely understand what they want to do in the future. So, given a chance to choose, they can choose classes, which are easy to learn and do not take much time to study. As a result of this after graduation, many students can be unprepared to enrol in universities and, of course, make careers. Personally, I think that some courses such as mathematics, literature, writing English must be required for studying by students. This will help them to gain more knowledge and experience, develop the ability to think logically, improve writing skills, etc. So, students will be better prepared for the real world and independence life. To sum up, I think that high school should have required courses because it is essential for a student to have a good base for the future life. Required courses, as a rule, are more complicated but they give the opportunity for students to extend their range of interests and help them to develop many important characteristics such as self-confident, persistent, patience, etc.
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "The question".
The question whether
a high school should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
is the one
that is
open for debate.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in high school should have the right to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
like
.
However
, other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
disagree and stand that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
can not
totally
be sure what they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
like
and what they need to know at their age. In this essay, I will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
these points and present my view in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
required
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
by students.

From the one side, having a chance to choose what one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
likes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
can be better prepared for the career he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
likes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he can spend more time studying what he
is interested
in. Second of all,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will learn with more enthusiasm
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will learn what they like.

From the other side,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
can not completely understand what they want to do in the future.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a chance to choose, they can choose classes, which are easy to learn and do not take much time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
.
As a result
of this after graduation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
be unprepared
to enrol in universities and, of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
careers.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
such as mathematics, literature, writing English
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
required
for studying by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to gain more knowledge and experience, develop the ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
logically
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
writing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, etc.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will be better prepared for the real world and independence life.

To sum up, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that high school should have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
required
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is essential for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
base for the future life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Required
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
, as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
, are more complicated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they give the opportunity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to extend their range of interests and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to develop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
characteristics such as self-confident, persistent, patience, etc.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay High schools should allow students to study the courses that students want to study. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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