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There is no need to maintain a close relationship with distant relatives Do you agree or disagree with this statement v.1

There is no need to maintain a close relationship with distant relatives v. 1
A common thought in married couples is not to have babies, which is becoming popular around the world. This essay will discuss the advantages of having children and drawbacks of it. There are several advantages of having children. Firstly, a child might help in fulfilling the dreams of their parents. Parents might nurture the future of their children by guiding them in proper track and get their desires satisfied. To illustrate this, a father might be having a dream of becoming a singer, due to several reasons like lack of financial or moral support from his family, he might have not achieved it. So, he can make this possible by seeing himself in his son's development. Secondly, to take care of them during their hardships. Children will look after their parents in their old age, once they are grown up. For example, the people around us will not lend their hands while we are sick. So, instead of being dependent on others, it is better to have our own family. However, on the other hand, the couple wants to enjoy their life without any overhead, which means that they can spend their money without making any savings for the future. They can lead a prosperous life by enjoying every bit of their life, as they are not worried about their future. In addition, both of them can work and equally contribute to their living. Wherein none of them has to stay home. After coming back from work, they can cook together for themselves. Thus, equality among the relationship can be maintained. In conclusion, there are both pros and cons of having children. The decision has to be taken by the couple with their consents of whether to have children or not.
A common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
in married couples is not to have babies, which is becoming popular around the world. This essay will discuss the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and drawbacks of it.

There are several advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Firstly
, a child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in fulfilling the dreams of their parents. Parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
nurture the future of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by guiding them in proper
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their desires satisfied. To illustrate this, a father
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a dream of becoming a singer, due to several reasons like lack of financial or moral support from his family, he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
have not achieved it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, he can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
this possible by seeing himself in his son's development.
Secondly
, to take care of them during their hardships.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
will look after their parents in their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age, once they
are grown
up.
For example
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around us will not lend their hands while we are sick.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
instead
of being dependent on others, it is better to have our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
family.

However
,
on the other hand
, the couple wants to enjoy their life without any overhead, which means that they can spend their money without making any savings for the future. They can lead a prosperous life by enjoying every bit of their life, as they are not worried about their future.
In addition
, both of them can work and
equally
contribute to their living. Wherein none of them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
stay home. After coming back from work, they can cook together for themselves.
Thus
, equality among the relationship can
be maintained
.

In conclusion
, there are both pros and cons of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. The decision
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be taken
by the couple with their consents of whether to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
or not.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay There is no need to maintain a close relationship with distant relatives v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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