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There is no need to go out to see live performance (concert. . . ) because it is better to see them on the TV or Computer screen. Do you agree or disagree v.4

There is no need to go out to see live performance (concert. . . ) because it is better to see them on the TV or Computer screen. v. 4
An emerging trend which has generated a widespread phenomenon in the entertainment field is watching home movie. I am inclined to believe that watching movies at home is much better than coming to the social cinema. Not only will watching movie at home help us to save our precious time, but it can also be a private area to enjoy movie series. To look at the entertainment aspect, the most important factor to consider is the daily form of home recreation. If a person has his or her private applications or websites to relax against some pillows while watching the movies, it will be one of the best option for them to save an amount of huge money instead of uncomfortable going direct to the social cinema. Such a form of entertainment, moreover, will create a private place for us to watch wonderful movies without irritating the others intensely. The more people are around, the more bad emotional feelings we will get. It is true that we always find confidence and truly happy whenever we can gather with friends or family members, which can be destroyed while watching in the social cinema with strangers. In order to avoid this situation, all we need to do is self-quarantine, find a great Tv show and relax. With that being said, everything always has its defective sides and it is pretty true on home-movie watching. What really makes audience truly boring about the film is a distraction. Assuming a person is watching his favourite movie, he might be momentarily distracted by social media platforms such as Facebook, Instagram or even the notification of messages which is pretty unpleasant. Watching movies at our private area can affect negatively on our routine, we might be immersed in blockbuster movies or Tv series and be lazy. Moreover, Blue light from computer screens will cause some contemporary symptoms such as eye strain, blur vision or headache. In conclusion, watching the movie is on the rise, and watching movie on computer trend brings both advantages and disadvantages to our self and the others. Moderation is the key to remain the balance and solve these problems effectively.
An emerging trend which has generated a widespread phenomenon in the entertainment field is watching home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
. I
am inclined
to believe that watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
at home is much better than coming to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
cinema. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "watch"
watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
at home
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to save our precious time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can
also
be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
area to enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
series.

To look at the entertainment aspect, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor to consider is the daily form of home recreation. If a person has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
applications or websites to relax against
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pillows while watching the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
, it will be one of the best option for them to save an amount of huge money
instead
of uncomfortable going direct to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
cinema. Such a form of entertainment,
moreover
, will create a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
place for us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
wonderful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
without irritating the others
intensely
. The more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are around, the more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
emotional feelings we will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
. It is true that we always find confidence and
truly
happy whenever we can gather with friends or family members, which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
while watching in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
cinema with strangers. In order to avoid this situation, all we need to do is self-quarantine, find a great
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tv
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
and relax.

With that
being said
, everything always has its defective sides and it is pretty true on home-movie watching. What
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
audience
truly
boring about the film is a distraction. Assuming a person is watching his
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
, he might be
momentarily
distracted by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media platforms such as Facebook, Instagram or even the notification of messages which is pretty unpleasant. Watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
at our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
area can affect
negatively
on our routine, we might
be immersed
in blockbuster
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
or
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tv
series and be lazy.
Moreover
, Blue light from computer screens will cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
contemporary symptoms such as eye strain, blur vision or headache.

In conclusion
, watching the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
is on the rise, and watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
on computer trend brings both advantages and disadvantages to our self and the others. Moderation is the key to remain the balance and solve these problems
effectively
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay There is no need to go out to see live performance (concert. . . ) because it is better to see them on the TV or Computer screen. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
358 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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