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There is more and more violence in movies and on TV, therefore it is necessary for the government to control the amount of it to decrease the violent crimes in the society. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

There is more and more violence in movies and on TV, therefore it is necessary for the government to control the amount of it to decrease the violent crimes in the society. v. 2
With the rapid development of science and technology, the television has become the indispensable part of our daily life, no matter adults or children, who prefer to watch TV programs as recreation and a best way to alleviate stress. However, recently, an increasing number of people commit crimes due to watching too much violent plot on the TV programs. Therefore, whether the government should restrict the contents about violence and pornography on the television is a matter of some dispute. From my point of view, these contents should be immediately forbidden. As we all know, youngsters are the principal group affected by these violent plots. Children’s psychologies are still immature and unformed, they are unable to distinguish between right and wrong, eventually, excessive violence in the media does have a simple, direct stimulus-response effect on the young people. As a result, youngsters will imitate the scenes and actions of violence and crimes in TV programs, thus becoming criminals. Similarly, such kinds of programs have a negative influence on adults as well. Although adults possess higher ability to judge right from wrong and have stronger self-control, once they are exposed to such violent plots too much, they will just become numb and take it for granted. Indeed, many cases of adult crimes were the result of films or television. Apart from the detrimental effect on people, there is a noticeable negative influence on society. Harmonious society as a whole needs all the people’s efforts. In fact, many real-life cases of crimes remind us that only by hiring more policemen to maintain order would not have the desired results and even aggravate the financial burden on the country. Therefore, governments should take action to control these violent contents of the media. To draw a conclusion, scenes of violence in TV programs are indeed harmful to both individuals and societies that government should strictly control the quality of programs.
With the rapid development of science and technology, the television has become the indispensable part of our daily life, no matter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
or children, who prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
as recreation and
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
best way to alleviate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
However
, recently, an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
due to watching too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
plot on the TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
.
Therefore
, whether the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should restrict the contents about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
and pornography on the television is a matter of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
dispute. From my point of view, these contents should be immediately forbidden.

As we all know, youngsters are the principal group
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
plots. Children’s psychologies are
still
immature and unformed, they are unable to distinguish between right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
,
eventually
, excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in the media does have a simple, direct stimulus-response effect on the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
As a result
, youngsters will imitate the scenes and actions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
in TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
,
thus
becoming criminals.
Similarly
, such kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
as well
. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
possess higher ability to judge right from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
and have stronger self-control, once they
are exposed
to such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
plots too much, they will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
become numb and take it for granted.
Indeed
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases of adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
were the result of films or television.

Apart from the detrimental effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, there is a noticeable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence on society. Harmonious society as a whole needs all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
efforts. In fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
real-life cases of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
remind us that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by hiring more policemen to maintain order would not have the desired results and even aggravate the financial burden on the country.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should take action to control these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
contents of the media.

To draw a conclusion, scenes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
are
indeed
harmful to both individuals and societies that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
strictly
control the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay There is more and more violence in movies and on TV, therefore it is necessary for the government to control the amount of it to decrease the violent crimes in the society. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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