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there is growing evidence that man made activities are making global temperature higher. what might be the man made cause of temperature rising how can we deal with this problem? v.1

there is growing evidence that man made activities are making global temperature higher. what might be the man made cause of temperature rising how can we deal with this problem? v. 1
Many environmentalists and researchers, observed that global warming is caused by human Activities in recent years. The essay, examine the major reasons that cause degrees rising into the atmosphere and suggest some appropriate solutions. To begin with, in the current century, huge technological advancement is taking place which not only changes the surface of the globe, but affects the patterns of man-made activities. To fulfil the growing needs of the human population, mass production of goods is going on, which needs more industrial resources and result, in adding more and more pollution to the environment. The deforestation is the main cause of global warming, instantly, in Pakistan deforestation is going on huge levels to form more housing societies for people but it will, affects adversely in the future. Moreover, increased number of cars and buses on the road and the fumes released by these means of transportation is causing, the temperature to rise drastically. Government and individual should take solid steps on war footing basis to save our earth from the harmful outcome of global warming. The government should make policies to increase forestation and illegal forest cutting should be banned. Industries should be given proper subsidiaries so they can establish their factory units in rural areas it can help in reducing pollution in big cities. A person should adopt reuse and recycle attitude rather than replacing and reproduce hence, it will affect their spending patterns, and results in decreasing the temperature of the universe. I conclude by saying that, global warming is the result of human activities, and increase in the Temperature of atmosphere can controlled only by reducing these activities. Government and public should work hard and cooperate with each other to save our future generation from the toxic effects of the heat.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
environmentalists and researchers, observed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
warming
is caused
by human

Activities in recent years. The essay, examine the major reasons that cause degrees rising into the atmosphere and suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
appropriate solutions.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
century, huge technological advancement is taking place which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
the surface of the globe,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
affects the patterns of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
-made activities. To fulfil the growing needs of the human population, mass production of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
is going on, which needs more industrial resources and result, in adding more and more pollution to the environment. The deforestation is the main cause of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
warming,
instantly
, in Pakistan deforestation is going on huge levels to form more housing societies for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it will, affects
adversely
in the future.
Moreover
, increased number of cars and buses on the road and the fumes released by these means of transportation is causing, the temperature to rise
drastically
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
and individual should take solid steps on war footing basis to save our earth from the harmful outcome of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
warming.

The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
policies to increase forestation and illegal forest cutting should
be banned
. Industries should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
proper subsidiaries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can establish their factory units in rural areas it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in reducing pollution in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities. A person should adopt reuse and recycle attitude
rather
than replacing and reproduce
hence
, it will affect their spending patterns, and results in decreasing the temperature of the universe.

I conclude by saying that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
warming is the result of human activities, and increase in the

Temperature of atmosphere can controlled
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by reducing these activities.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
and public should work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and cooperate with each other to save our future generation from the toxic effects of the heat.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay there is growing evidence that man made activities are making global temperature higher. what might be the man made cause of temperature rising how can we deal with this problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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