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Some says that the government should not spent the money on the art because music and painting for example are not making people's life becoming better. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some says that the government should not spent the money on the art because music and painting for example are not making people's life becoming better. v. 2
Spending money on art should not the preference of government, as opine by some, who relate it with the non-existent impact on the lives of people. I completely agree with this assertion and will explain why money expend is essential on development purposes only. First of all, money should be spend on basic necessities of life which have direct influence on people. This means that the major portion of budget should be allocated for the relief purposes, such as subsidizing the tax-payers and free healthcare. If public is lacking basic facilities and government is investing in art, such as construction of monuments, then these will merely be considered as the vanity projects of politicians; which, although, are built by the taxes, however, tax-payers are not benefiting from those. This can lead to serious consequences, for example, Strikes and riots. Furthermore, art projects does not constitute in development of country, for example, Cinema and Stadium are meant for leisure activities only. Take the example of Dubai, as it has world class shopping malls and luxurious outing places, but on the other hand, depend on other countries for skilled manpower such as Engineers, Doctors and even Teachers to work in relevant departments. This clearly shows that the priorities should be set, for instance, Finland allocate major portion of their budget on education, and consequently, its advances in research and technology are example for world. In conclusion, although art has its own place, but extrapolating results from aforementioned points, it seems wise to state that money ought to be spend for the betterment of public through subsidies and construction which will not only increase jobs but also raise quality of life.
Spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
should not the preference of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, as opine by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, who relate it with the non-existent impact on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this assertion and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
expend is essential on development purposes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should be
Consider using the past participle "spent"?
spend
on
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
of life which have direct influence on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. This means that the major portion of budget should
be allocated
for the relief purposes, such as subsidizing the tax-payers and free healthcare. If public is lacking basic facilities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is investing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, such as construction of monuments, then these will
merely
be considered
as the vanity projects of politicians; which, although,
are built
by the taxes,
however
, tax-payers are not benefiting from those. This can lead to serious consequences, for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, Strikes and riots.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
projects does not constitute in development of country, for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, Cinema and Stadium
are meant
for leisure activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. Take the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
of Dubai, as it has world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
shopping malls and luxurious outing places,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
on the other hand
, depend on other countries for skilled manpower such as Engineers, Doctors and even Teachers to work in relevant departments. This
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the priorities should
be set
,
for instance
, Finland allocate major portion of their budget on education, and
consequently
, its advances in research and technology are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
for world.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
place,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
extrapolating results from aforementioned points, it seems wise to state that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
ought to be
Consider using a past participle here: "spent".
spend
for the betterment of public through subsidies and construction which will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
increase jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
raise quality of life.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some says that the government should not spent the money on the art because music and painting for example are not making people's life becoming better. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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