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There is a disagreement on the impact of increased business and culture contact between countries on a country's identity. What is your opinion? v.3

There is a disagreement on the impact of increased business and culture contact between countries on a country's identity. What is your opinion? v. 3
Nowadays, globalisation which refers to the interaction between countries across national borders has profound implications on many aspects such as economy, social as well as culture. Some people associate the impacts of this process with the damage of local cultures and economic imperialism of Western enterprises. Alternatively, I am personally in favour of the merits of globalisation on particular country’s identity. Regarding to culture manifestation, by increasing the interaction between divergent states, globalisation opens up opportunities for learning about the culture of various countries. As a result, the brand of particular nation can easily become familiar with other countries. Dating back to decades before, Asia countries remained a mystery to the rest of the world. For the time being, globalisation has demonstrated vivid pictures of these states such as the Buddhist culture of Thailand or the unspoiled primitive nature of Indochina. Moreover, good understanding of conventions and taboos of particular area would bridge the gap between people all around the world. Not only affecting on the culture aspect, globalisation also promotes the development of international business transaction. It is self-evident that each country owes particular advantages when it comes to business area. For example, India is well-known for its cheap employees or Israel is considered to be a land of radical technological breakthroughs. As a result, a manufacturing process to date involves many countries with their specific advantages, which is not only lower the expenditure but also provide a better product to public. In the light of these facts, although there are still many precautions of the effect of globalisation to handle, it is obvious that the increasing interaction between countries is a contentious trend in the modern world.
Nowadays,
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
which refers to the interaction between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
across national borders has profound implications on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects such as economy, social
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
associate the impacts of this process with the
The usual collocation for word "damage" is "to" not "of." Revise: "damage to".
damage of
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and economic imperialism of Western enterprises.
Alternatively
, I am
personally
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of the merits of
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
identity.

The phrase 'Regarding to' is not correct. Use "Regarding" or "regard to".
Regarding to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
manifestation, by increasing the interaction between divergent states,
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
opens up opportunities for learning about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
of various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
As a result
, the brand of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
particular
nation can
easily
become familiar with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Dating back to decades
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, Asia
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
remained a mystery to the rest of the world. For the time being,
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
has demonstrated vivid pictures of these states such as the Buddhist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
of Thailand or the unspoiled primitive nature of Indochina.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
understanding of conventions and taboos of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
particular
area would bridge the gap between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
all around the world.

Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
affecting on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
aspect,
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
also
promotes the development of international business transaction. It is self-evident that each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
owes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
particular
advantages when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to business area.
For example
, India is well-known for its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
employees or Israel
is considered
to be a land of radical technological breakthroughs.
As a result
, a manufacturing process to date involves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
with their specific advantages, which is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
lower the expenditure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
provide a better product to public.

In the light of these facts, although there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
precautions of the effect of
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
to handle, it is obvious that the increasing interaction between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is a contentious trend in the modern world.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay There is a disagreement on the impact of increased business and culture contact between countries on a country's identity. What is your opinion? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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