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There has been an increase in usage of social networking website in the last decades or so. Do the advantage of this outweigh disadvantage. v.1

There has been an increase in usage of social networking website in the last decades or so. Do the advantage of this outweigh disadvantage. v. 1
It has been witnessed that people have been increasingly using social website and applications over the last 10 years. Although this inclination has equally positives and negatives, I believe it is up to the user how should he use such platforms without becoming habitual. Beginning with the benefits, social websites have made it possible to make new relations without wasting human effort. By using the websites, such as Facebook, they can not only contact with their near and dear ones, but also meet new people of similar interests regardless of their distance. On the top of that, they can make video calls via Facebook which has enabled people to talk to each other, as if the conversation is going on between real people though they might be at a distance of a thousand miles. However, if they have to hang out in person, it could be expensive, and the time-consuming activity. Moreover, social media application has given a platform for people to interact with their idols. Celebrities from all sections such as politics, cinema and sports are more likely to interact with their fans. As a result, social media sites have been used by celebs to remain popular by updating their latest events. At the same time, fans remain motivated by interacting with renowned personalities. Amitabh Bachchan, for instance, is a regular tweeter user. Moving towards disadvantages, overindulgence on social media applications can be detrimental for health. A recent report by health magazine states that the majority of people like to spend 6-8 hours on their social accounts. It could lead to various physical disorders such as eye problems like myopia and posture problems like cervical. At the same time, it reduces their productivity in their schools and workplaces. Further, another bad effect could be on children because there is no restriction on posting inappropriate or vulgar contents. As teenagers significant portion of the total social website uses, they become easy prey of such contents that could lead to various psychological ailments such as depression and anxiety. Nonetheless, if they were parental central restriction, they could be saved from the ill-effects of social websites. In conclusion, increasing the use of social websites has bought various positives and negatives, it seems to me that technology is always biased. Therefore, we should control ourselves from becoming over-pendent on it.
It has
been witnessed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have been
increasingly
using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
website
and applications over the last 10 years. Although this inclination has
equally
positives and negatives, I believe it is up to the user how should he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
such platforms without becoming habitual.

Beginning with the benefits,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
websites have made it possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new relations without wasting human effort. By using the websites, such as Facebook, they can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
contact with their near and dear ones,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of similar interests regardless of their distance. On the top of that, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
video calls via Facebook which has enabled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to talk to each other, as if the conversation is going on between real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
though they might be at a distance of a thousand miles.
However
, if they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
hang out in person, it could be expensive, and the time-consuming activity.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media application has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a platform for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to interact with their idols. Celebrities from all sections such as politics, cinema and sports are more likely to interact with their fans.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media sites have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by celebs to remain popular by updating their latest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
. At the same time, fans remain motivated by interacting with renowned personalities.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Amitabh
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bachchan
,
for instance
, is a regular tweeter user.

Moving towards disadvantages, overindulgence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media applications can be detrimental for health. A recent report by health magazine states that the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to spend 6-8 hours on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
accounts. It could lead to various physical disorders such as eye problems like myopia and posture problems like cervical. At the same time, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
their productivity in their schools and workplaces.
Further
, another
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effect could be on children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is no restriction on posting inappropriate or vulgar contents. As
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
significant portion of the total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
website
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
, they become easy prey of such contents that could lead to various psychological ailments such as depression and anxiety. Nonetheless, if they were parental central restriction, they could
be saved
from the ill-effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
websites.

In conclusion
, increasing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
websites has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
various positives and negatives, it seems to me that technology is always biased.
Therefore
, we should control ourselves from becoming over-pendent on it.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay There has been an increase in usage of social networking website in the last decades or so. Do the advantage of this outweigh disadvantage. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
387 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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