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Many university students live with their families, while others live away from home because their universities are in different places. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both situations? v.5

Many university students live with their families, while others live away from home because their universities are in different places. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both situations? v. 5
Students always go on dilemma during the selection of universities for their education. The main problem is to go for home location or not. Although both options have their own benefit. They are pushed to select a category which gives more benefit and stick to it. I would like to put my views on the advantages and disadvantages of both situations in below paragraphs. Firstly, the scholars who selected university near to home and decided to stay with family will have a positive aura always. Since after the classes they often find more time to spend with families and take part in social activities. Few people who experience homesick have a constant support from their parents. For instance, students face less stress because of spending the time in a balanced way between their studies and family time. On the other hand, they are not exposed to the outside environment. The circle of friends and other leisure activities are limited Secondly, students who live independently away from home are tend to develop a skill for surviving on their own in the future. They are provided with more freedom and to make the decision for the scenario. Moreover, their social network will expand, sharing and caring for non-family members may develop. For example, the scholars after post graduation can travel around the places and make themselves comfortable with the situations. However, the connection with family is reduced. To conclude, scholars have both pros and cons for both the situations. It is up to the individuals to take up the option and go further. The main priority should be given to the university and learning. Though after selecting it, the students can sum up the values and take an instinct option.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
always go on dilemma during the selection of universities for their education. The main problem is to go for home location or not.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
both options have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
benefit. They
are pushed
to select a category which gives more benefit and stick to it. I would like to put my views on the advantages and disadvantages of both situations in below paragraphs.

Firstly
, the scholars who selected university near to home and decided to stay with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
will have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aura
The adverb 'always' is usually not used at the end of a sentence.
always
. Since after the classes they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
find more time to spend with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in social activities. Few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who experience homesick have a constant support from their parents.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
face less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of spending the time in a balanced way between their studies and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
time.
On the other hand
, they are not exposed to the outside environment. The circle of friends and other leisure activities are
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
limited


Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
independently
away from home are tend to develop a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
for surviving on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
in the future. They
are provided
with more freedom and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the decision for the scenario.
Moreover
, their social network will expand, sharing and caring for non-family members may develop.
For example
, the scholars after post graduation can travel around the places and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
themselves comfortable with the situations.
However
, the connection with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.

To conclude
, scholars have both pros and cons for both the situations. It is up to the individuals to take up the option and go
further
. The main priority should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the university and learning. Though after selecting it, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can sum up the values and take an instinct option.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Many university students live with their families, while others live away from home because their universities are in different places. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both situations? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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