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talk about an advantage of living in another country and say how living in that country can provide that advantage? v.1

talk about an advantage of living in another country and say how living in that country can provide that advantage? v. 1
Online communication has been increasingly popular among societies. While some believe that it would replace the use of direct interaction, this essay disagrees that it would negate the main function of face to face interaction between people as we will discuss here. People need emotional aspects when using language to communicate with each other. We know that it is vital to avoid or at least minimise misunderstanding between them. When people are involved in a conversation through online chat on the internet, it is difficult to identify exactly what an interlocutor might obviously express because they could not recognise any emotional elements expressed through online messaging, whether using high or low tone, statement or question, angry or happy etc. The lack of properly using grammatical rules such as punctuation and conjunction potentially exacerbates the situation. Therefore, it might lead to misunderstanding and misleading between them and (even worse) to a conflict. This can be exemplified by the fact that some people who post any status through Facebook or Twitter might frequently raise various reactions from others due to misinterpretation, particularly when they made grammatical errors. On the other hand, online messaging functions to eradicate distance. It was used to be one of the most problematic factors, especially if people expect to deliver an instant message and its response in the past. In fact, it is the most useful invention of communication tool in this digital era where people can send any messages to others by simply using their mobile phone or computer from any places where the internet is accessible. For example, people could deliver messages to people living in distant area for personal affair or even meeting within a group chat. Despite the many benefits of the internet, it potentially leads those, who prefer to get in touch online rather than eye to eye contact, the lack of getting advantages from real social relation. In conclusion, even though online chat via the internet could not represent real emotional aspects when communicating, it does not mean that it should be avoided because it mainly aims at assisting people to correspond more rapidly, especially if it requires an instant response from people in the distance. However, it by no means that it would replace the main function of person to person interaction.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Online
communication has been
increasingly
popular among societies. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that it would replace the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of direct interaction, this essay disagrees that it would negate the main function of face to face interaction between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as we will discuss here.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
need emotional aspects when using language to communicate with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. We know that it is vital to avoid or at least
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimise' is British English.
minimise
misunderstanding between them. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are involved
in a conversation through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
chat on the internet, it is difficult to identify exactly what an interlocutor might
obviously
express
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they could not
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognise' is British English.
recognise
any emotional elements expressed through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
messaging, whether using high or low tone, statement or question, angry or happy etc. The lack of
properly
using grammatical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
such as punctuation and conjunction
potentially
exacerbates the situation.
Therefore
, it might lead to misunderstanding and misleading between them and (even worse) to a conflict. This can
be exemplified
by the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who post any status through Facebook or Twitter might
frequently
raise various reactions from others due to misinterpretation,
particularly
when they made grammatical errors.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
messaging functions to eradicate distance. It was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be one of the most problematic factors,
especially
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
to deliver an instant message and its response in the past. In fact, it is the most useful invention of communication tool in this digital era where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
any messages to others by
simply
using their mobile phone or computer from any places where the internet is accessible.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could deliver messages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in distant area for personal affair or even meeting within a group chat. Despite the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits of the internet, it
potentially
leads those, who prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in touch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
rather
than eye to eye contact, the lack of getting advantages from real social relation.

In conclusion
,
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
chat via the internet could not represent real emotional aspects when communicating, it does not mean that it should
be avoided
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
mainly
aims at assisting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to correspond more
rapidly
,
especially
if it requires an instant response from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the distance.
However
, it by no means that it would replace the main function of person to person interaction.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS essay talk about an advantage of living in another country and say how living in that country can provide that advantage? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
381 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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