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TPO23 – Q1: There can be several advantages spending time in another country. Talk about one advantage and explain how living in that country provides that advantage. v.1

TPO23 – Q1: There can be several advantages spending time in another country. Talk about one advantage and explain how living in that country provides that advantage. v. 1
Nowadays, cell phones have become very popular and easily available throughout the world. Most of the students from across the globe have access to smartphones and they have been using these gadgets not only for study purposes but also for personal uses. However, I believe, the mobile phones should not be allowed in classrooms because it distracts the pupils and also affect the effective interaction. One of the main reasons for not allowing mobile phones during study time is that it diverts student’s concentration and even other candidates in the class. As a result, they don’t understand the subject matter and gets poor grades in mark sheet. For example, during my final year of undergraduate studies, there was a good student in my batch, named Javed, who failed in his favourite subject because of mobile chatting during the lecture times. So, to make them distract less from mobile phones, these kinds of electronic devices should be kept out of the classroom. Another reason is a disturbance in lecture, discussion between teacher and students. Although they can browse various sites using mobile data or Wi-Fi, to get the information about the topic discussed in the classroom, but he might lack the knowledge and important points which his teacher is discussing in class. In addition, he might waste too much time visiting the non-authentic sites. For instance, there are many personal blogs and websites where they cannot get a relevant understanding of the topic. All in all, despite having a few advantages of using the mobile devices in the classroom, they must not be allowed to use their cell phones so that they can achieve better results and build a bright future. Furthermore, this maintains a better learning and teaching environment for both students and teachers.
Nowadays, cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
have become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular and
easily
available throughout the world. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from across the globe have access to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
smartphones and
they have been using these gadgets not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for study purposes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
.
However
, I believe, the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
in classrooms
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it distracts the pupils and
also
affect the effective interaction.

One of the main reasons for not allowing mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
during study time is that it diverts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
concentration and even other candidates in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
As a result
, they don’t understand the
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "subject".
subject matter
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
poor grades in mark sheet.
For example
, during my final year of undergraduate studies, there was a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
in my batch, named
Possible spelling mistake found.
Javed
, who failed in his
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
subject
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of mobile chatting during the lecture times.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them distract less from mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
, these kinds of electronic devices should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
out of the classroom.

Another reason is a disturbance in lecture, discussion between teacher and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Although they can browse various sites using mobile data or Wi-Fi, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the information about the topic discussed in the classroom,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he might lack the knowledge and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
points which his teacher is discussing in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
In addition
, he might waste too much time visiting the non-authentic sites.
For instance
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
personal blogs and websites where they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a relevant understanding of the topic.

All in all, despite having a few advantages of using the mobile devices in the classroom, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can achieve better results and build a bright future.
Furthermore
, this maintains a better learning and teaching environment for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and teachers.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay TPO23 – Q1: There can be several advantages spending time in another country. Talk about one advantage and explain how living in that country provides that advantage. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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