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There are social, medical and technical problems associated with the use of mobile phones what forms do they take? Do you agree that the problems outweigh the benefits of mobile phones? v.1

There are social, medical and technical problems associated with the use of mobile phones what forms do they take? Do you agree that the problems outweigh the benefits of mobile phones? v. 1
Presently, Usage of mobile phones is the most important part of normal human life. Some people are not aware that with the use of these phones there are some social, medical and technical problems. Which might create disasters in their life. It is true that Disadvantages are far more than advantages. In my forthcoming paragraph, it will be explained completely with examples. In this present World, Mobile phones are so handy that it can be carried anywhere keeping inside the pocket. But there is a negative side of this, Phones are so harmful to the body because of radiation. These radiations can damage cells in the brain, which can end up in brain tumors. There was a research conducted by the students in the University of Michigan in the year 2015 regarding the radiation from phones to Human body and the result was positive. Some students found that it can affect various organs, which might take a life of a person. Some people are not aware of this situation. Moreover, Through mobile phone applications now a person can ruin another individual. There are lots of applications in the market which can be presented to the public without his knowledge. These things socially affect a person's life which might end up in suicide. For instance, Last year suicide rates was approximately about 20 percentile, where 15 people died due to the fake stories came through phone in several parts of India. Not only this affect medically, Socially it can take normal person's life. To recapitulate, Mobile phone plays a vital role in everyone's life. However, In my opinion I completely agree that mobile phone usage creates increasing levels of problems not only in their health related activities, but also affect them socially. So it is advisable to use the mobile phones in a limited manner by the top Scientists.
Presently
, Usage of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of normal human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are not aware that with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
social, medical and technical problems.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
might create disasters in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. It is true that Disadvantages are far more than advantages. In my forthcoming paragraph, it will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
completely with examples.

In this present World, Mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
handy that it can
be carried
anywhere keeping inside the pocket.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
there is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side of this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Phones
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
harmful to the body
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of radiation. These radiations can damage cells in the brain, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up in brain tumors. There was
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
conducted by the students in the University of Michigan in the year 2015 regarding the radiation from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
to Human body and the result was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
students found that it can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affect
various organs, which might take a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of a person.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are not aware of this situation.

Moreover
, Through mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
applications
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
a person can ruin another individual. There are lots of applications in the market which can
be presented
to the public without his knowledge. These things
socially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affect
a person's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
which might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up in suicide.
For instance
, Last year suicide rates was
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "approximately".
approximately about
20
Possible agreement error. The noun 'percentile' seems to be countable, so consider using: "percentiles".
percentile
, where 15
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
due to the fake stories came through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
in several parts of India. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affect
medically
,
Socially
it can take normal person's life.

To recapitulate, Mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
plays a vital role in everyone's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
However
, In my opinion I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
usage creates increasing levels of problems not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in their health related activities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affect
them
socially
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it is advisable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
Consider replacing "in a limited manner" with the adverb for "limited"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a limited manner
by the top Scientists.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay There are social, medical and technical problems associated with the use of mobile phones what forms do they take? Do you agree that the problems outweigh the benefits of mobile phones? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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