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There are social, medical and technical problems associated with the use of mobile phones. What forms do they take? Do you agree that the problems outweigh the benefits of mobile phones? v.1

There are social, medical and technical problems associated with the use of mobile phones. What forms do they take? Do you agree that the problems outweigh the benefits of mobile phones? v. 1
New developments in the field of technology have revolutionized our lives tremendously. These have both positive and negative impacts. One such invention is the mobile phone. It has become an extremely important part of our lifestyle. Some people claim that owning a mobile phone causes social, technical as well as health issues. However, I believe that having a mobile phone has plenty of benefits which outweigh the disadvantages. This essay takes a look at both sides of the argument. Firstly, the mobile phones are one of the most commonly used gadgets globally. Cell phones allow us to stay in contact with our family and friends through messages and calls. They have minimized the distance between people. Now, we are able to communicate with our family no matter where we are. We can listen to their voices as well as see them through video calls. Secondly, mobile phones provide us an opportunity to make friends globally by using certain social media websites like Facebook and Instagram. This helps us to discover different cultures. Thirdly, cell phone is a very beneficial invention for students. They can get homework help online within seconds. Also, mobile phones keep them up to date with current affairs and new inventions. On the other hand, there are a few disadvantages to mobile phones. Excessive use of mobile phones can affect our eyesight as well as cause mental stress. Moreover, these days, we are addicted to cell phones and cannot give proper time to our families. Also our social interactions have reduced and now we only greet our friends through mobile phones. To conclude, there are plenty of benefits to having a mobile phone. However, everyone should limit their use of the mobile phone so that their health is not affected and they can give proper time to their families.
New developments in the field of technology have revolutionized our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
tremendously
. These have both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts. One such invention is the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
. It has become an
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of our lifestyle.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that owning a mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
causes social, technical
as well
as health issues.
However
, I believe that having a mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of benefits which outweigh the disadvantages. This essay takes a look at both sides of the argument.

Firstly
, the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are one of the most
commonly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
gadgets globally. Cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
us to stay in contact with our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and friends through messages and calls. They have minimized the distance between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, we are able to communicate with our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
no matter where we are. We can listen to their voices
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
them through video calls.
Secondly
, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
provide us an opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends globally by using certain social media websites like Facebook and Instagram. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to discover
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures.
Thirdly
, cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial invention for students. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
homework
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
online within seconds.
Also
, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them up to date with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
affairs and new inventions.

On the other hand
, there are a few disadvantages to mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
. Excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
can affect our eyesight
as well
as cause mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
Moreover
, these days, we
are addicted
to cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and cannot give proper time to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
our social interactions have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
greet our friends through mobile phones.

To conclude
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of benefits to having a mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
.
However
, everyone should limit their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that their health is not
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
affected and
they can give proper time to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay There are social, medical and technical problems associated with the use of mobile phones. What forms do they take? Do you agree that the problems outweigh the benefits of mobile phones? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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