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There are social, medical, and technical problems associated with the use of mobile phones. What forms do they take? Do you agree that the problems outweigh the benefits of the mobile phones? v.8

There are social, medical, and technical problems associated with the use of mobile phones. What forms do they take? Do you agree that the problems outweigh the benefits of the mobile phones? v. 8
Presently, there are certain people who opine that mobile phones have revolutionized affecting a way people to communicate with our live extremely. Others strongly believe that it can bring negative impacts on the community, healthy and mechanical. In this essay, I will debate the reason to support my agreement. According to many, people think that phones have helped their remain connected with the world from wherever they are. Furthermore, they play with features on the applications such as online networks, email stay in touch with families, friends and colleagues. In addition, the society is also considering the entertainment on app as a source income. In particular, gamers who play on game to achieve rewards that they can operate alone in term or online. Conversely, people can be a problem in some public area. In fact, ringing phone probably would cause disturbance in cinema or school lessons. For students there is a rule to activate tools with time procedures. In fact, Sometimes people are not aware that others can hear their conversation. As a matter of fact, their waves could cause a damage to our brains. Those who are using phones can also be a dangerous distraction. For instance, a driver who operates her mobile while driving can cause distraction in concentration may cause fatal accidents. In conclusion, the mobile phone has become an indispensable tool in people's daily life. Not only used for communication, but it also functions as an internet browser and so forth. Moreover, nothing can be overused without side effects. The contribution of the mobile phone to our modern society is prominent and people 's dependence on it is irreversible, although it has a number of problems that should be well-handled.
Presently
, there are certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
opine that mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
have revolutionized affecting a way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to communicate with our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
extremely
. Others
strongly
believe that it can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on the community, healthy and mechanical. In this essay, I will debate the reason to support my agreement.

According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
their remain connected with the world from wherever they are.
Furthermore
, they play with features on the applications such as online networks, email stay in touch with families, friends and colleagues.
In addition
, the society is
also
considering the entertainment on app as a source income.
In particular
, gamers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
play on game to achieve rewards that they can operate alone in term or online.

Conversely
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be a problem in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
public area. In fact, ringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
probably
would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
disturbance in cinema or school lessons. For students there is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
to activate tools with time procedures. In fact,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not aware that others can hear their conversation. As a matter of fact, their waves could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "damage".
a damage
to our brains. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
can
also
be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
distraction.
For instance
, a driver
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
operates her mobile while driving can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
distraction in concentration may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
fatal accidents.

In conclusion
, the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
has become an indispensable tool in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's daily life. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for communication,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
functions as an internet browser and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
forth.
Moreover
, nothing can
be overused
without side effects. The contribution of the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
to our modern society is prominent and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
's dependence on it is irreversible, although it has a number of problems that should be well-handled.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay There are social, medical, and technical problems associated with the use of mobile phones. What forms do they take? Do you agree that the problems outweigh the benefits of the mobile phones? v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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