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Some people think that young people should go to university to further their education while others think they should be encouraged to work as car mechanics or builders etc. to serve society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.6

Some people think that young people should go to university to further their education while others think they should be encouraged to work as car mechanics or builders etc. to serve society. v. 6
The issue of whether or not to enter universiy after leaving high school has been provoking a considerable controversy (among the public). While it can be claimed that it is preferable for the youth to choose university to foster their education, I am of the opinion that it is advisable for them to develop manual skills to contribute to society. In this essay, I am going to examine both views and support opinion. On the one hand, for decades universities have always been teenagers’ preference after secondary education. Opportunities for high academic level may be one of the main reasons for believing this. As a matter of fact, for an individual to be able to occupy top jobs such as lawyer or doctor, a college degree is a minimum requirement. Parents’ expectation for bright future for their children’s can be another point to consider. With the belief that only higher education can provide a person with a firm standing in society, most parents encourage or even force their kids to join colleges. Therefore, for people who want to pursue a brilliant career, further education is not only a better choice, but also is essential. On the other hand, I strongly agree that young adults can be better off without a college degree. Firstly, many jobs require more practical knowledge that is not really something university can provide efficiently. People who start working rather than going to university would become more experienced, which is one of the essential elements to have/work in a successful profession. It is a fact that numerous successful businessmen have no academic degrees. Secondly, tuition fees are one of the big problems for most students and their family. Supporting a four-year period at university could become a financial burden for a lot of individuals and households, whereas/ in contrast starting work as soon as finishing high schools would help them earn their living early and avoid spending a tremendous amount of money, exclusive of/ apart from possible college debt. Moreover, working early gives budding entrepreneurs a better opportunity to establish themselves before competition gets tougher. In conclusion, while a university degree is a must for certain occupations, there are sectors that value work experience more. I definitely believe that getting experience and developing practical skills are more important to apply for a job in order to be sure of success.
The issue of
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
to enter
Possible spelling mistake found.
universiy
after leaving high school has been provoking a considerable controversy (among the public). While it can
be claimed
that it is preferable for the youth to choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
to foster their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, I am of the opinion that it is advisable for them to develop manual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to contribute to society. In this essay, I am going to examine both views and support opinion.

On the one hand, for decades
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
have always been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
’ preference after secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. Opportunities for high academic level may be one of the main reasons for believing this. As a matter of fact, for an individual to be able to occupy top jobs such as lawyer or doctor, a college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
is a minimum requirement. Parents’ expectation for bright future for their children’s can be another point to consider. With the belief that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
can provide a person with a firm standing in society, most parents encourage or even force their kids to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
colleges.
Therefore
, for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who want to pursue a brilliant career,
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a better choice,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
is essential.

On the other hand
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that young adults can be better off without a college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
jobs require more practical knowledge
that is
not
really
something
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
can provide
efficiently
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
working
rather
than going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
would become more experienced, which is one of the essential elements to have/work in a successful profession. It is a fact that numerous successful businessmen have no academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degrees
.
Secondly
, tuition fees are one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
problems for most students and their family. Supporting a four-year period at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
could become a financial burden for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
individuals and households, whereas/
in contrast
starting work as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as finishing high schools would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them earn their living early and avoid spending a tremendous amount of money, exclusive of/ apart from possible college debt.
Moreover
, working early gives budding entrepreneurs a better opportunity to establish themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
competition
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
tougher.

In conclusion
, while a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
for certain occupations, there are sectors that value work experience more. I definitely believe that getting experience and developing practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to apply for a job in order to be sure of success.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Some people think that young people should go to university to further their education while others think they should be encouraged to work as car mechanics or builders etc. to serve society. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
393 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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