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There are problems with the increasing popularity of shopping as a leisure activity. What forms do these take? Do the problems outweigh the benefits of shopping as a leisure activity? v.1

There are problems with the increasing popularity of shopping as a leisure activity. What forms do these take? Do the problems outweigh the benefits of shopping as a leisure activity? v. 1
Recent upsurge in the habit of shopping as a recreational activity is not without its drawbacks. Consequently, In my opinion, these actions are displayed through window shopping, mall walking and subsequently via dress trials in the changing room, amongst friends who considers the act as a means of getting together. To begin with, shopping is generally regarded as a means of passing time. In fact people often go into the malls with the intention of window shopping. They walk around stores, glancing at products on display with a view of possible future purchases. In addition, there has been a relatively new trend of walking around the mall. This is indeed known as "mall walking". It sees people strolling around with the aim of exercising while making buying decisions. A recent survey conducted by the National consumers Association in 2019, revealed that 90% of customers who ends up shopping were only in the mall for other purposes which necessarily had nothing to do with buying. Admittedly, a prime drawback of shopping as a leisure activity is the tendency to spend more while going around a store. More so, when you consider the process as a means of relaxation, the probability of spending becomes high. However, making financial decisions while relaxed and calm has proven to be beneficial due to the fact that people can make wiser and started shopping choices while at it. Moreover, the likely hood if getting into any spontaneous or impulse buying while relaxed is greater reduced if not impossible. To conclude, the benefits of shopping as a pass time not only helps in making wise and intelligent preferences, but also reduce the possibility of random purchases. These obvious merits superceeds any disadvantage it might have.
Recent upsurge in the habit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
as a recreational activity is not without its drawbacks.
Consequently
, In my opinion, these actions
are displayed
through window
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
walking and
subsequently
via dress trials in the changing room, amongst friends who
Did you mean "consider"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'friends' should be used.
considers
the act as a means of getting together.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is
generally
regarded as a means of passing time. In fact
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
go into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
with the intention of window
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
. They walk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
stores, glancing at products on display with a view of possible future
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
.
In addition
, there has been a
relatively
new trend of walking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
. This is
indeed
known as
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
mall walking
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
strolling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
with the aim of exercising while making buying decisions. A recent survey conducted by the National consumers Association in 2019, revealed that 90% of customers who ends up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
for other purposes which
necessarily
had nothing to do with buying.

Admittedly
, a prime drawback of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
as a leisure activity is the tendency to spend more while going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
a store. More
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, when you consider the process as a means of relaxation, the probability of spending becomes high.
However
, making financial decisions while relaxed and calm has proven to be beneficial due to the fact that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
wiser and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
choices while at it.
Moreover
, the likely hood if getting into any spontaneous or impulse buying while relaxed is greater
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
if not impossible.

To conclude
, the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
as a pass time not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in making wise and intelligent preferences,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the possibility of random
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
. These obvious merits
Possible spelling mistake found.
superceeds
any disadvantage it might have.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay There are problems with the increasing popularity of shopping as a leisure activity. What forms do these take? Do the problems outweigh the benefits of shopping as a leisure activity? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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