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Shopping is becoming more and more popular as a leisure activity. However, some people feel that this has both positive and negative effects. Why is shopping so popular? What effects does its increase in popularity have on individuals and on society? v.3

Shopping is becoming more and more popular as a leisure activity. However, some people feel that this has both positive and negative effects. Why is shopping so popular? What effects does its increase in popularity have on individuals and on society? v. 3
Shopping is very popular among the majority of the population, despite their age or social standards. This is due to the fact that most people find shopping as an experience which makes a difference in their day to day life Some people find themselves in a different world, surrounded by various material things which they may or may not be able to purchase. Even if they are not able to finance these, they find much pleasure in looking and feeling these things and imagining owning them some day. Some people go shopping when they really want to purchase things and they prefer to look around and compare prices before buying them. I think most people love to go shopping because, then they could meet friends, make contacts with people and get to know what is in the latest trend. It provides them a pleasant distraction from their routing and sometimes dull life The most important effect shopping has on an individual is that it nourishes the self-esteem. An individual may find the social contact most gratifying and this makes people come out of their shells and be more extrovert purchasing something, as well as knowing that you are financially able to purchase something give more self confidence to people. The increase in popularity to go shopping has many effects on the society. People may be encouraged to go into new businesses and it will improve the economy. More job opportunities will be created for people in these businesses Encouraged by the increase of popularity manufacturers will try to improve their products, so that the consumers can have a wide range of products at competitive prices. The overall quality of the product as well as the services provided by the sales staff will be improved. More job opportunities will be created in advertising as the manufacturers try to sell their product consumers will have a better knowledge of the product so that they will not be misleaded by inferior products. I find shopping an interesting and pleasurable experience, as each year passes by, simply because it enriches my heart and mind.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular among the majority of the population, despite their age or social standards.
This is due to the fact that
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
as an experience which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a difference in their
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
themselves in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
world, surrounded by various material things which they may or may not be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
. Even if they are not able to finance these, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
much pleasure in looking and feeling these things and imagining owning them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
day.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
when they
really
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
things and
they prefer to look around and compare prices
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
buying them. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, then they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
friends,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
contacts with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know what is in the latest trend. It provides them a pleasant distraction from their routing and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
dull
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
life


The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
effect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has on an individual is that it nourishes the self-esteem. An individual may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
the social contact most gratifying and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out of their shells and be more extrovert purchasing something,
as well
as knowing that you are
financially
able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
something give more
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self confidence
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

The increase in popularity to go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
effects on the society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
may
be encouraged
to go into new businesses and it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the economy. More job opportunities will
be created
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in these businesses Encouraged by the increase of popularity manufacturers will try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the consumers can have a wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
at competitive prices. The
overall
quality of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
as well
as the services provided by the sales staff will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
.

More job opportunities will
be created
in advertising as the manufacturers try to sell their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
consumers will have a better knowledge of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they will not be
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "misled", the past tense form of the verb 'mislead'?
misleaded
by inferior products.

I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
an interesting and pleasurable experience, as each year passes by,
simply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it enriches my heart and mind.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Do you know what a foreign accent is? It’s a sign of bravery.
Amy Chua

IELTS essay Shopping is becoming more and more popular as a leisure activity. However, some people feel that this has both positive and negative effects. Why is shopping so popular? What effects does its increase in popularity have on individuals and on society? v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
350 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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