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There are people who suffer from poverty in every country. What do you think the reasons for poverty are in your country and what do you think can be done to help these impoverished people? v.2

There are people who suffer from poverty in every country. What do you think the reasons for poverty are in your country and what do you think can be done to help these impoverished people? v. 2
Many people are suffering from poverty all over the world. Although my country, Japan, is one of the world’s most developed and wealthiest countries, there are still many people who suffer from relative poverty. This is mainly because of academic background-oriented society and the increasing number of single-parent families. However, there are some solutions to prevent it. Government should focus on improving educational inequality and welfare system for single-parent families. In Japan, many people fall into poverty because they only have a low level of education. Without sufficient education, it is difficult to get a stable job, so they end up doing unstable jobs with low pay. High quality education, such as universities, in Japan is necessary to get a stable job, however, it is often extremely expensive and there are not many scholarships available. Thus, people who do not get into university tend to suffer from poverty. Another reason for poverty is an increase in single parents. The number of single-parent families are increasing in Japan, but they do not get enough financial assistance. In addition, it is difficult for single parents to get a full-time job, because they cannot work overtime. Most of them work harder, but they cannot make much money and receive only a small amount of financial support from the government. Therefore, single-mother families have to live in poverty. Owing to avoid such situations, government needs to work on correcting education gaps and providing more social support for single-parent families. People would go to college and earn more if the government or private sector set up more scholarship. The government also should set some law so that the company hire more single mother. In addition, the government raises a child benefit payment. Those solutions would hopefully help poor getting out of poverty. In conclusion, concerning poverty in Japan, we need to provide various forms of social support to help people their own way out of their unfavourable state.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
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people
are suffering from
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poverty
all over the world. Although my country,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
, is one of the world’s most developed and wealthiest countries, there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who suffer from relative
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poverty
. This is
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of academic background-oriented society and the increasing number of single-parent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
it.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should focus on improving educational inequality and welfare system for single-parent families.

In
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Japan
,
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many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
fall into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have a low level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. Without sufficient
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education
, it is difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a stable
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job
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up doing unstable
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jobs
with low pay. High quality
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education
, such as universities, in
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Japan
is necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a stable
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job
,
however
, it is
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often
extremely
expensive and there are not
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many
scholarships available.
Thus
,
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people
who do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into university tend to suffer from poverty.

Another reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
is an increase in single parents. The number of single-parent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are increasing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
financial assistance.
In addition
, it is difficult for single parents to
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get
a full-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they cannot work overtime. Most of them work harder,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
much money and receive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount of financial support from the
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government
.
Therefore
, single-mother
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families
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in poverty.

Owing to avoid such situations,
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government
needs to work on correcting
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education
gaps and providing more social support for single-parent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
would go to college and earn more if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
or private sector set up more scholarship. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
also
should set
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
law
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
hire more single mother.
In addition
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
raises a child benefit payment. Those solutions would
hopefully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
poor getting out of poverty.

In conclusion
, concerning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
, we need to provide various forms of social support to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way out of their
Possible spelling mistake. 'unfavourable' is British English.
unfavourable
state.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay There are people who suffer from poverty in every country. What do you think the reasons for poverty are in your country and what do you think can be done to help these impoverished people? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
323 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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