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Every country has poor people and every country has different ways of dealing with the poor. What are some of the reasons for poverty in developing countries? What can we do to help the poor? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples v.2

Every country has poor people and every country has different ways of dealing with the poor. What are some of the reasons for poverty in developing countries? What can we do to help the poor? 2
These days, formal academic qualifications are more highly appreciated than life experience or personal qualities when it comes to the recruitment process. There are many reasons for this, and in my opinion, this is a positive development. The main reason for this tendency is that academic degrees are considered a tool to measure the level of knowledge that students are capable of. To be more specific, to achieve a good degree in most universities, students need to pass many examinations focusing on testing their knowledge and take part in practical training courses. These factors ensure that students have gained sufficient in-depth knowledge in the field that the company is looking for. That is why recruiters place higher value on employers holding formal academic qualifications. Whereas, in terms of people having life experience or personal qualities, these people are likely to lack a suitable amount of academic knowledge in their field, and therefore, they need to be trained for a long time by employers. This results in the reluctance of employers to hire them for vacant positions. This trend, therefore, will bring about some positive effects on society as a whole. Students will be motivated to pursue tertiary education for the sake of their better career prospects. By attending university, students can gain insights into their chosen field and have a chance to compete with others. As for society, thanks to this trend, there will be more and more people entering university, which will contribute to a society of more well-informed and educated citizens. In conclusion, employers prefer people with better qualifications because qualifications are to prove that their holders are sufficiently trained at universities. I think that there are many positives for both students and society when employers place emphasis on formal academic qualifications instead of life experience or personal qualities.
These days, formal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualifications
are more
highly
appreciated than life experience or personal qualities when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the recruitment process. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons for this, and in my opinion, this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development.

The main reason for this tendency is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
degrees
are considered
a tool to measure the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are capable of. To be more specific, to achieve a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
degree in most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
need to pass
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
examinations focusing on testing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in practical training courses. These factors ensure that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have gained sufficient in-depth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
in the field that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
is looking for.
That is
why recruiters place higher value on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
holding formal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualifications
. Whereas, in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
having life experience or personal qualities, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are likely to lack a suitable amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
in their field, and
therefore
, they need to
be trained
for a long time by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
. This results in the reluctance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
to hire them for vacant positions.

This trend,
therefore
, will bring about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
as a whole.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
will
be motivated
to pursue tertiary education for the sake of their better career prospects. By attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can gain insights into their chosen field and have a chance to compete with others. As for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, thanks to this trend, there will be more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
entering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, which will contribute to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
of more well-informed and educated citizens.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualifications
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualifications
are to prove that their holders are
sufficiently
trained at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
positives for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
place emphasis on formal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualifications
instead
of life experience or personal qualities.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Every country has poor people and every country has different ways of dealing with the poor. What are some of the reasons for poverty in developing countries? What can we do to help the poor? 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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