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There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays? v.4

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays? v. 4
What is music? Music is defined as an organized combination of sound and an expression of emotions through frequencies. Music plays an important role in our life. There are 2 main causes why need music. Firstly, people consider music as a way to escape from the pain of life. It gives you relief and allows you to reduce the stress. Especially when we listen to slow, quiet, and classical music, it helps you to slow the pulse and heart rate, lower blood pressure, and decrease the levels of stress hormones. Also, life without music would be boring, music brings joy and happiness. Listening to music provides an instant boost to your mind when you are feeling sad or angry. Happiness helps productivity. Once Teresa Amabile, a professor at Harvard Business School says: Employees are more likely to have new ideas when they feel happier. Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays? From my personal perspective, both of them has the same importance. On one hand, traditional music is one of the symbols of every culture. It represents the traditions and history of a nation, and it's the main thing that differs us from other nations. Learning about traditional music can help students understand their countries. On the other hand, international music is the symbol of cultural integration. International music is the way to reach the world and join a new community. By listening to international music, it helps you to get closer and familiar to other nations. In conclusion, traditional and international music should be heard by people with equal respect and importance.
What is
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music
?
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is defined
as an organized combination of sound and an expression of emotions through frequencies.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in our life. There are 2 main causes why need music.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as a way to escape from the pain of life. It gives you relief and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
you to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
Especially
when we listen to slow, quiet, and classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
you to slow the pulse and heart rate, lower blood pressure, and decrease the levels of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
hormones.

Also
, life without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
would be boring,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
brings joy and happiness. Listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
provides an instant boost to your mind when you are feeling sad or angry. Happiness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
productivity. Once Teresa
Possible spelling mistake found.
Amabile
, a professor at Harvard Business School says: Employees are more likely to have new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
when they feel happier.

Is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
of a country more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
that
is heard
everywhere nowadays? From my personal perspective, both of them has the same importance.

On one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is one of the symbols of every culture. It represents the traditions and history of a nation, and it's the main thing that differs us from other nations. Learning about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
students understand their countries.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is the symbol of cultural integration.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is the way to reach the world and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
a new community. By listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
you to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
closer and familiar to other nations.

In conclusion
,
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traditional
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
should
be heard
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with equal respect and importance.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays? v. 4

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
274 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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