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There are many advertisements directed at children. Parents argue that children are misled, while advertisers consider advertising a source of useful information. What is your opinion? v.3

There are many advertisements directed at children. Parents argue that children are misled, while advertisers consider advertising a source of useful information. What is your opinion? v. 3
Nowadays, in the fast development of television media, newspapers and the Internet, people hold different opinions on the impact of advertisements on children. While parents think that they are untrue, other contend that advertising is of great value to provide children with a huge amount of useful information. Personally, I believe that they have both some potential benefits and drawbacks to the development of children. On the one hand, it is said that advertisements might be advantageous to some extent with regard to children’s experiences. Firstly, children could draw inspiration from advertising programs as well as easily broaden their knowledge. This might be explained by the fact that commercial content is interesting which could address positive, beneficial behaviors, such as friendship, kindness, the protection of the environment and respect for other people and for animals. Secondly, advertisements on television and the growing popularity of online advertising that have lively animations are able to live up to children’s expectations and preferences for entertainment. “The Lego Movie”, which is an extended advertisement for Lego products, is one of the most successful example of a brilliant commercial and a great film. Not only the film offers children valuable lessons through the toy world but also send a message to parents that they could escape the monotony of the business world to spend time with their children by playing with Lego. On the other hand, I believe that the negative impacts of the advertisements which aim mainly at a target audience of children and adolescents is undeniable. It is common knowledge that consumers, including parents and children, should be wary of the claims made in advertisements since such claims are often exaggerated. These would encourage children to persuade their parents to purchase the products shown in the commercials, whether useful or not. Consequently, the little ones, for example, tend to get obstinate if the product is not brought for them. In terms of children’s health, advertisement programs on the television could be a factor which affects on eating habits and food choices of youth. For instance, the likelihood of children consuming fattening food is high since the frequency of advertisements of snacks, junk food or fast food chains like KFC or Coca Cola has increased, which could be seen as a main reason for the increase of childhood obesity. In conclusion, although advertisements could bring several benefits to children, it seems to me that the authorities and parents should take measures and regulations properly in order to safeguard children from the negative effects of advertising.
Nowadays, in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
development of television media, newspapers and the Internet,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hold
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions on the impact of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they are untrue, other contend that advertising is of great value to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with a huge amount of useful information.
Personally
, I believe that they have both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
potential benefits and drawbacks to the development of children.

On the one hand, it
is said
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
might be advantageous to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent with regard to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
experiences.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could draw inspiration from advertising programs
as well
as
easily
broaden their knowledge. This might be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
by the fact that commercial content is interesting which could address
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
, beneficial behaviors, such as friendship, kindness, the protection of the environment and respect for other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and for animals.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
on television and the growing popularity of online advertising that have lively animations are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
up to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
expectations and preferences for entertainment. “The Lego Movie”, which is an extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
for Lego products, is one of the most successful example of a brilliant commercial and a great film. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the film offers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
valuable lessons through the toy world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
a message to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
that they could escape the monotony of the business world to spend time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by playing with Lego.

On the other hand
, I believe that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
which aim
mainly
at a target audience of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and adolescents is undeniable. It is common knowledge that consumers, including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, should be wary of the claims made in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
since such claims are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
exaggerated. These would encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to persuade their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
the products shown in the commercials, whether useful or not.
Consequently
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
ones,
for example
, tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
obstinate if the product is not brought for them. In terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
health,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
programs on the television could be a factor which affects on eating habits and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
choices of youth.
For instance
, the likelihood of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
consuming fattening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is high since the frequency of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
of snacks, junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
chains like KFC or Coca Cola has increased, which could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a main reason for the increase of childhood obesity.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
could bring several benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, it seems to me that the authorities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should take measures and regulations
properly
in order to safeguard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of advertising.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Do you know what a foreign accent is? It’s a sign of bravery.
Amy Chua

IELTS essay There are many advertisements directed at children. Parents argue that children are misled, while advertisers consider advertising a source of useful information. What is your opinion? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
421 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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