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There are many advertisements directed at children. Parent argue that children misled, while advertisers consider advertising a source of useful information. What is your opinion? v.2

There are many advertisements directed at children. Parent argue that children misled, while advertisers consider advertising a source of useful information. What is your opinion? v. 2
In recent decades millions of tourists from other countries have visited China heritage sites and museums. However, in contrast, the numbers of residents visiting these same sites have dropped. This essay sets out to ask why this has happened and offer solutions. There are two reasons why so many foreign tourists visit these destinations. Chiefly and without question, the main reason, is the decreasing cost of international airfares and flying long-distances is now within easy reach of those on moderate incomes. Secondly, because of well-produced advertising by airlines and tour companies and its distribution through various mediums, especially, as a prime example, the internet and social media. As to local Chinese populations, for the same reasons and by nearly the same measure, they too are opting for foreign trips and holidays to destinations around the world. So, my proposal for increasing the numbers of native not visiting their local landmarks and places of historical importance is to increase the awareness and heighten the important history and ancient culture of China. As to how this can be achieved, I suggest the following ideas. First, use the example set by the global leisure industry: better advertising. Second, improved infrastructure. Third, ensure costs, whether for transport or entrance to some special sites are available to all no matter their income. In summary, as technology has advanced and with cheaper fares, global travel is now a major leisure activity. Ensuring that local people also appreciate their own country, and its heritage, the natural beauty spots and historic buildings, then through use positive media get locals to visit these places more.
In recent decades millions of tourists from other countries have visited China heritage sites and museums.
However
,
in contrast
, the numbers of residents visiting these same sites have dropped. This essay sets out to ask why this has happened and offer solutions.

There are two reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
foreign tourists visit these destinations.
Chiefly
and without question, the main reason, is the decreasing cost of international airfares and flying long-distances is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
within easy reach of those on moderate incomes.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of well-produced advertising by airlines and tour
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and its distribution through various mediums,
especially
, as a prime example, the internet and social media. As to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
Chinese populations, for the same reasons and by
nearly
the same measure, they too are opting for foreign trips and holidays to destinations around the world.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, my proposal for increasing the numbers of native not visiting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
landmarks and places of historical importance is to increase the awareness and heighten the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
history and ancient culture of China. As to how this can
be achieved
, I suggest the following
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.
First
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the example set by the global leisure industry: better advertising. Second,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
infrastructure. Third, ensure costs, whether for transport or entrance to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
special sites are available to all no matter their income.

In summary, as technology has advanced and with cheaper fares, global travel is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
a major leisure activity. Ensuring that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
also
appreciate their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country, and its heritage, the natural beauty spots and historic buildings, then through
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
to visit these places more.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The joy of knowing a foreign language is inexpressible. I find it really difficult to express such joy in my mother tongue.
Munia Khan

IELTS essay There are many advertisements directed at children. Parent argue that children misled, while advertisers consider advertising a source of useful information. What is your opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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