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There are fewer controls over the designs and construction of home and office buildings. So, people can build them however they like. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

There are fewer controls over the designs and construction of home and office buildings. So, people can build them however they like. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
The connexion between individuals has been negatively affected by the social media and technology era. Excessive time spent online and the development of mental health disorders are two causes of this issue and they can be overcome by paying more attention to human behaviour. Firstly, the initial detrimental consequence of social media and technology in people’s relationships is the excessive hours wasted online, since they feel a compelling necessity to obsessively check emails and roll the screen on Instagram, as a consequence, they inevitably miss precious time with their loved ones. For instance, a recent study indicates that couples who both have social media profiles have a 68% higher probability to divorce, as they spend more hours alone on their smartphones. To overweight this issue, users should watch the time spent on their social media or have some arrangements, such as no phone during the meals, as nowadays an individual cannot live with no technology at all. As a result, people would have more personal interaction and consequently a happier life. Secondly, the other effect is the development of mental health illnesses, because people see everyone always happy, travelling, and always having fun on social media, consequently they tend to compare their lives with others and think their lives are not good enough. For example, a survey last year found that levels of anxiety and depression are 75% higher in social media users, as they are never satisfied with their lives. To solve this problem, people need to seek psychological help, given that emotional health is as essential as physical health to the body. Therefore, users would keep their mental harmony and could improve their relationships. To conclude, in the social media and technology age, people’s relationships often are negatively affected due to excessive time online and mental health instability. Nevertheless, a few measures of controlling human behaviour and seeking professional help might tackle most of these problems.
The
Possible spelling mistake found.
connexion
between individuals has been
negatively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
era. Excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent online and the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
disorders are two causes of this
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
issue and
they can
be overcome
by paying more attention to human
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.

Firstly
, the initial detrimental consequence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
relationships is the excessive hours wasted online, since they feel a compelling necessity to
obsessively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
emails and roll the screen on Instagram, as a consequence, they
inevitably
miss precious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones.
For instance
, a recent study indicates that couples who both have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
profiles have a 68% higher probability to divorce, as they spend more hours alone on their smartphones. To overweight this issue, users should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
or have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
arrangements, such as no phone during the meals, as nowadays an individual cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
at all.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would have more personal interaction and
consequently
a happier life.

Secondly
, the other effect is the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
illnesses,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
everyone always happy, travelling, and always having fun on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
,
consequently
they tend to compare their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
with others and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
.
For example
, a survey last year found that levels of anxiety and depression are 75% higher in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
users, as they are never satisfied with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. To solve this problem,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to seek psychological
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
that emotional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is as essential as physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
to the body.
Therefore
, users would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
harmony and could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their relationships.

To conclude
, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
relationships
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
are
negatively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
due to excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
online and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
instability.
Nevertheless
, a few measures of controlling human
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and seeking professional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
might tackle most of these problems.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay There are fewer controls over the designs and construction of home and office buildings. So, people can build them however they like. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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