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There are an increasing number of serious crimes committed each year. While some people say that the best way would be to use death penalty as a deterrant, many people say that other measures will be needed. Discuss both views. v.2

There are an increasing number of serious crimes committed each year. While some people say that the best way would be to use death penalty as a deterrant, many people say that other measures will be needed. v. 2
Increasing crime rate has become a grave problem in the past few years. While some individuals consider that death penalty is the best method to threaten the people from committing crimes, others opine that there are several other ways to curb the crime. This essay intends to delve into both sides of the argument in depth. To begin with, the advocates of the statement argue that capital punishment is indeed a real justice for the victim. Since it would act as a deterrent for the other sections of the society who are involved in offending activities, therefore it will be eventually a great lesson for those individuals who disturb the peaceful atmosphere of the community and make it unfit for living. For instance, the problem of terrorism is gradually rising in almost all parts of the world, and in order to diminish the terrorist attack, governing bodies are implementing these stringent laws. What is more, serial killers can also be threatened to a substantial extent by applying these rules. In short, implementation of death punishment is an excellent way of curbing the criminals. In contrast, the opponents feel that various alternative rules and regulations can also diminish the crime level. First of all, petty crimes such as theft, robbery, kidnapping and many more can be tackled by the short term prison. This will not only reduce minor offences, but also makes the society a better place to live in. To cite an example, if a person robs someone just because of poverty, then he should not be given death penalty instead he should be taught vocational skills in the prison. To recapitulate, other effective initiatives are also beneficial in eliminating the criminals. To conclude, whether or not to give death penalty has become a controversial issue. In the above paragraphs, both approaches have been discussed in detail.
Increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate has become a grave problem in the past few years. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals consider that death penalty is the best method to threaten the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
, others opine that there are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
ways to curb the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. This essay intends to delve into both sides of the argument in depth.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the advocates of the statement argue that capital punishment is
indeed
a real justice for the victim. Since it would act as a deterrent for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
sections of the society who
are involved
in offending activities,
therefore
it will be
eventually
a great lesson for those individuals who disturb the peaceful atmosphere of the community and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it unfit for living.
For instance
, the problem of terrorism is
gradually
rising in almost all parts of the world, and in order to diminish the terrorist attack, governing bodies are implementing these stringent laws.
What is more
, serial killers can
also
be threatened
to a substantial extent by applying these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
. In short, implementation of death punishment is an excellent way of curbing the criminals.

In contrast
, the opponents feel that various alternative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations can
also
diminish the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
level.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, petty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
such as theft, robbery, kidnapping and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more can
be tackled
by the short term prison. This will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
minor
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the society a better place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in. To cite an example, if a person robs someone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of poverty, then he should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
death penalty
instead
he should
be taught
vocational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in the prison. To recapitulate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
effective initiatives are
also
beneficial in eliminating the criminals.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
To
conclude,
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
to give death penalty has become a controversial issue. In the above paragraphs, both approaches have
been discussed
in detail.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay There are an increasing number of serious crimes committed each year. While some people say that the best way would be to use death penalty as a deterrant, many people say that other measures will be needed. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
8.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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