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In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend a large sum of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend a large sum of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. v. 1
It is perceived by certain individuals in some nations that it is essential to expend a huge sum of cash to invent a new railway line for swift movement of people within the cities while others are of the view that financial capital should be maximized in rectifying already existed mass transit. I am of the opinion that more money should be used in maintaining available transport system. On one hand, the current state of a nation's development should be reflected in the creation of new railway transportation so as to reduce the traffic gridlock that commuters encounter on the highway. This simply means, people will be able to get to work on time and it will ease the stress of transporting goods to other states. To illustrate, I started a courier company previous year, but it's been affected in the delivery of customers' goods promised to be delivered within three working days. Consequently reduces the number of patronage, we get from our clients. Furthermore, it will enhance and strengthen the relationship the country has with foreigners because most of them find it difficult to cope with our road network instead they prefer train transportation. On the other hand, I agree that there is a need to improve on the public transport system so as to have a positive impact in the life of individuals because it will reduce the stress of moving from one place to another thereby making life comfortable for them. For example, according to a report on community development, 80% of persons living in Lagos state have commended on the effort of the governor in providing more Brt buses in the area. The implication of this is that it will reduce the enormous usage of private vehicles work places. In addition, maintenance of already existing public transport system will create jobs for its citizens who are interested in being a driver or a monitoring officer. As a result, it will reduce the extent of crime occurrence I'm the community. In conclusion, while some individuals may vary in their opinion, I believe people living a stress free life and enjoying the privileges of being a citizen will promote pleasant image of the governance.
It
is perceived
by certain individuals in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations that it is essential to expend a huge sum of cash to invent a new railway line for swift movement of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
within the cities while others are of the view that financial capital should
be maximized
in rectifying already existed mass transit. I am of the opinion that more money should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in maintaining available transport system.

On one hand, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
state of a nation's development should
be reflected
in the creation of new railway transportation
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
the traffic gridlock that commuters encounter on the highway. This
simply
means,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to work on time and it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of transporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
to other states. To illustrate, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
a courier
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
previous year,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it's been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
in the delivery of customers'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
promised to
be delivered
within three working days.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Consequently
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduces
the number of patronage, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from our clients.
Furthermore
, it will enhance and strengthen the relationship the country has with foreigners
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of them find it difficult to cope with our road network
instead
they prefer train transportation.

On the other hand
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that there is a need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
on the public transport system
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact in the life of individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of moving from one place to another thereby making life comfortable for them.
For example
, according to a report on community development, 80% of persons living in Lagos state have commended on the effort of the governor in providing more
Possible spelling mistake found.
Brt
buses in the area. The implication of this is that it will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
the enormous usage of private vehicles work places.
In addition
, maintenance of already existing public transport system will create jobs for its citizens who
are interested
in being a driver or a monitoring officer.
As a result
, it will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
the extent of crime occurrence I'm the community.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals may vary in their opinion, I believe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
living a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
free life and enjoying the privileges of being a citizen will promote pleasant image of the governance.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend a large sum of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
366 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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