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Universities should accept numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Universities should accept numbers of male and female students in every subject. v. 2
Higher educational degrees are becoming more and more demanding for the nation's prosperity that why families tend to direct their kids to attain post-graduate degrees despite of gender. In my point of view, I strongly agree with educating the both genders in all subjects of life, male and female, as the following essay will discuss two points that will back up my opinion. Firstly, having the same number of men and women on all degree courses is simply unrealistic. Student numbers on any course depend on the applications that the institution receives. If a university decided to fill courses with equal numbers of males and females, it would need enough applicants of each gender. In reality, many courses are more popular with one gender than the other, and it would not be practical to aim for equal proportions. For example, nursing courses tend to attract more female applicants, and it would be difficult to fill these courses if fifty percent of the places needed to go to the males. Apart from the practical concerns expressed above, I also believe that it would be unfair to base admission to university courses on gender. Universities should continue to select the best candidates for each course according to their qualifications. In this way, both men and women have the same opportunities, and applicants know that they will be successful if they work hard to achieve good grades at school. If a female student is the best candidate for a place on a course, it is surely wrong to reject her in favour of a male student with lower grades or fewer qualifications. In conclusion, the selection of university students should be based on merit, and it would be both impractical and unfair to change to a selection procedure based on gender.
Higher educational degrees are becoming more and more demanding for the nation's prosperity that why families tend to direct their kids to attain post-graduate degrees
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
gender. In my point of view, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with educating the both genders in all subjects of life, male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
, as the following essay will discuss two points that will back up my opinion.

Firstly
, having the same number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women on all degree
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
is
simply
unrealistic.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Student
numbers on any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
depend on the applications that the institution receives. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
decided to fill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
with equal numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
, it would need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
applicants of each gender. In reality,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
are more popular with one gender than the other, and it would not be practical to aim for equal proportions.
For example
, nursing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
tend to attract more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
applicants, and it would be difficult to fill these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
if fifty percent of the places needed to go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
. Apart from the practical concerns expressed above, I
also
believe that it would be unfair to base admission to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
on gender.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Universities
should continue to select the best candidates for each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
according to their qualifications. In this way, both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women have the same opportunities, and applicants know that they will be successful if they work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to achieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
grades at school. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
is the best candidate for a place on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
, it is
surely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to reject her in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of a male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
with lower grades or fewer qualifications.

In conclusion
, the selection of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be based
on merit, and it would be both impractical and unfair to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
to a selection procedure based on gender.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Universities should accept numbers of male and female students in every subject. v. 2

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
298 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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