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The world of work is changing rapidly. Working conditions today are not the same as before and people no longer rely on taking one job for life. Describe the possible causes and give suggestion on how people should prepare for work in the future. v.1

The world of work is changing rapidly. Working conditions today are not the same as before and people no longer rely on taking one job for life. Describe the possible causes and give suggestion on how people should prepare for work in the future. v. 1
Over the decades, globalization has changed the working lifestyle drastically. As a result, majority of people are taking up more than one career causing their life more bustling than ever. There are a few possible factors that lead to their present state and a feasible solution will help to overcome this issue. First of all, the living standards in the country has rise tremendously incurring the increase of the living expenses as well. As a result, one could not support themselves with only one income, thus, forcing themselves to find other occupation vacancies that is available. Furthermore, the minimum wage that they obtained is way lower when compared with the minimum rate of the living expenses. For example, economists currently found out that the minimum salary that a person receives is impossible to able to survive out there with just only one career. Therefore, a few measures needed to be taken in order to solve this ever-growing problem. Firstly, the government should standardize the rate of minimum wage in every company so that it is possible from them to manage it. For instance, Malaysia government has increased the minimum income for the fresh graduate up to RM 2600 so that they are able to live comfortably. Moreover, the university or school should require creating money management course to ensure the students able to learn to make budgets within their income and at the same time, saving some cash for rainy days. In turn, workers do not have to work for double income as they knew how to control their expenses. To conclude, increasing rate of the expenses and low income has led to this situation. Luckily, with the aid from the government and some financial management skills, hectic working life will be a thing in the past.
Over the decades, globalization has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the working lifestyle
drastically
.
As a result
, majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are taking up more than one career causing their life more bustling than ever. There are a few possible factors that lead to their present state and a feasible solution will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to overcome this issue.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the living standards in the country has
Use past participle here: "risen".
rise
tremendously
incurring the increase of the living expenses
as well
.
As a result
, one could not support themselves with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
,
thus
, forcing themselves to find other occupation vacancies
that is
available.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minimum
wage that they obtained is way lower when compared with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minimum
rate of the living expenses.
For example
, economists
currently
found out that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minimum
salary that a person receives is impossible
Did you mean "to be able"?
to able
to survive out there with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one career.

Therefore
, a few measures needed to
be taken
in order to solve this ever-growing problem.
Firstly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should standardize the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minimum
wage in every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it is possible from them to manage it.
For instance
, Malaysia
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has increased the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minimum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
for the fresh graduate up to RM 2600
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
comfortably
.
Moreover
, the university or school should require creating money management course to ensure the students able to learn to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
budgets within their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
and at the same time, saving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cash for rainy days. In turn, workers do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work for double
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
as they knew how to control their expenses.

To conclude
, increasing rate of the expenses and low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
has led to this situation. Luckily, with the aid from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
financial management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, hectic working life will be a thing in the past.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay The world of work is changing rapidly. Working conditions today are not the same as before and people no longer rely on taking one job for life. Describe the possible causes and give suggestion on how people should prepare for work in the future. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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