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The world has seen an enormous increase in flights for leisure, business and commercial purposes around the world over recent years. v.3

The world has seen an enormous increase in flights for leisure, business and commercial purposes around the world over recent years. v. 3
People these days travel around the world for numerous purposes, and hence the number of flights is on the rise. But having the flights have both advantages and disadvantages as well. I will discuss the issue briefly in the following paragraphs and show my opinion whether imposing more taxes should be implemented or not. First of all, people take flights for some of the specific reasons. Speed is the key advantage here. It is only the air travel which provides the maximum speed and thus the travellers can save their valuable times. Besides, Comfort is another aspect of flights. When you will be on board on an aeroplane, you will feel comfortable like your own home. Further, when someone is on air, they are able to enjoy the attractive view of the ground which is a completely different experience. In opposite, there are some disadvantages have been found for the flights as well. Price is an important matter to consider. Often the prices of air tickets are higher and everyone is unable to bear such expensive tickets. Besides, some of the airliners charge for the snacks and meals or waters they serve during the trip. Sometimes, the journeys are tiresome as well and people suffer from jetlag. Place crash is a shocking issue for the passengers as there are fewer chances to survive a plane crash. Taxation on tickets is moderate now and I have experienced that recently. A couple of weeks ago, I travelled to New York from Massachusetts by a local airliner. They charged me 15% tax of the entire ticket value. So, I think this is moderate and if the tax is increased, it would be difficult for ordinary people like us to have the air travels in our need. To conclude, I think that the advantages of flights are more than disadvantages it owns. So, people should take the chance of air travel considering its benefits.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
these days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
around the world for numerous purposes, and
hence
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flights
is on the rise.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
having the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flights
have both advantages and disadvantages
as well
. I will discuss the issue
briefly
in the following paragraphs and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
my opinion whether imposing more taxes should
be implemented
or not.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flights
for
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
specific reasons. Speed is the key advantage here. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
which provides the maximum speed and
thus
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
can save their valuable times.
Besides
, Comfort is another aspect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flights
. When you will be on board on an
Possible spelling mistake. 'aeroplane' is British English.
aeroplane
, you will feel comfortable like your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
home.
Further
, when someone is on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
, they are able to enjoy the attractive view of the ground which is a completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
experience.

In opposite, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages have
been found
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flights
as well
. Price is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
matter to consider.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Often
the prices of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tickets
are higher and everyone is unable to bear such expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tickets
.
Besides
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
airliners charge for the snacks and meals or waters they serve during the trip.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, the journeys are tiresome
as well
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffer from
Possible spelling mistake found.
jetlag
. Place crash is a shocking issue for the passengers as there are fewer chances to survive a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plane
crash.

Taxation on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tickets
is moderate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and I have experienced that recently. A couple of weeks ago, I travelled to New York from Massachusetts by a local airliner. They charged me 15% tax of the entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ticket
value.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this is moderate and if the tax
is increased
, it would be difficult for ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like us to have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travels
in our need.

To conclude
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flights
are more than disadvantages it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owns
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should take the chance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
considering its benefits.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay The world has seen an enormous increase in flights for leisure, business and commercial purposes around the world over recent years. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
320 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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