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The woman supports the proposal described in the article. Explain why she thinks it will achieve the university's goals. （TPO 12 task3） v.1

The woman supports the proposal described in the article. Explain why she thinks it will achieve the university's goals. （TPO 12 task3） v. 1
There is a huge controversy going on in recent days about Feminism and females should be taken into every subject as equal to men. Well, I completely disagree with the statement mentioned above and let's discuss some of the reasons. - Firstly, there should be no gender discrimination either it is female or a male. I think universities should consider all students equally and accept their applications according to their qualifications and percentages. However, we cannot spoil the lives of the student's education based on sexuality, caste and creed. For example, according to recent surveys, males scored higher marks than females. However, the media have dominated some issues and raised the Feminism topic and debate to take many females into consideration to get into top colleges. Is this a valid reason to take decisions depending on sex? Definitely not. It is unethical. "All are equal" the same way "All students are equal". - Secondly, many students are struggling to get accepted into top universities and making the path for the better future. I believe students should be treated equally and of course, females should be encouraged by management to involve in all subjects and debate for themselves and can get any jobs regardless of what they are. For instance, some universities made decisions about students studying to get scholarships from the Government and to build their self-esteem creating for a better society. To conclude, I completely disagree with the aforementioned and there should be refining university rules to believe all students should be given their own recognition, importance and acceptance regardless of who they are.
There is a huge controversy going on in recent days about Feminism and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
should
be taken
into every subject as equal to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
. Well, I completely disagree with the statement mentioned above and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
's discuss
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
reasons.

Consider using an m-dash in dialogues and enumerations.
-
Firstly
, there should be no gender discrimination either it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
or a male. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
should consider all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
equally
and accept their applications according to their qualifications and percentages.
However
, we cannot spoil the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of the student's education based on sexuality, caste and creed.
For example
, according to recent surveys, males scored higher marks than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
.
However
, the media have dominated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issues and raised the Feminism topic and debate to take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
into consideration to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into top colleges. Is this a valid reason to take decisions depending on sex? Definitely not. It is unethical.
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
All are equal
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
the same way
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
All
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are equal
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
.

Consider using an m-dash in dialogues and enumerations.
-
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are struggling to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
into top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
and making the path for the better future. I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be treated
equally
and
of course
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
should
be encouraged
by management to involve in all subjects and debate for themselves and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
any jobs regardless of what they are.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
made decisions about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
studying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
scholarships from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
and to build their self-esteem creating for a better society.

To conclude
, I completely disagree with the aforementioned and there should be refining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
to believe all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
recognition, importance and acceptance regardless of who they are.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The woman supports the proposal described in the article. Explain why she thinks it will achieve the university's goals. （TPO 12 task3） v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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