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TPO 12 - Question 3The woman supports the proposal described in the article. Explain why she thinks it will achieve the university’s goals. v.1

TPO 12 - Question 3The woman supports the proposal described in the article. Explain why she thinks it will achieve the university’s goals. v. 1
Nowadays, the public is being bombarded with a plethora of information on newspapers and television programs. Due to this vast data explosion, some people think it is nowhere connected with their lives and is a waste of time. I totally disagree with this statement due to several reasons mentioned in this essay. To begin with, the manner of the people watching the news varies from person to person. For instance, most of the young people are more interested in sports, films and job opportunities and they are not interested in politics and economics. However, it is important for all the citizens to get updated with these, if they are unaware of the happenings around them, they cannot play an active role in building the nation. News provides various sections of material, local news gives the info about the occurrences at our place. To illustrate, if a theft happened in a particular area, people are informed and get alerted with security measures. Furthermore, information on new job opportunities, examination results and advertisements on new products, discounts in the market are being published. Also, there are articles on readers' magazine on useful topics, and for kids there are sections for puzzles, sudoku and cartoons which are knowledgeable and useful. In addition, during a busy day, the news gives relaxation and entertainment at work places. To recapitulate, everyone should be aware of current affairs to expand one's knowledge and to gain more insight, they are more advisable, informative and to people's judgement which are vital in everyone's lives
Nowadays, the public is
being bombarded
with a plethora of information on newspapers and television programs. Due to this vast data explosion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is nowhere connected with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and is a waste of time. I
totally
disagree with this statement due to several reasons mentioned in this essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the manner of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
watching the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
varies from person to person.
For instance
, most of the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more interested in sports, films and job
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
opportunities and
they are not interested in politics and economics.
However
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for all the citizens to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
updated with these, if they are unaware of
Consider using "the surrounding happenings".
the happenings around them
, they cannot play an active role in building the nation.

News provides various sections of material, local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
gives the info about the occurrences at our place. To illustrate, if a theft happened in a particular area,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are informed
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
alerted with security measures.
Furthermore
, information on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
job opportunities, examination results and advertisements on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
products, discounts in the market are
being published
.
Also
, there are articles on readers' magazine on useful topics, and for kids there are sections for puzzles,
Possible spelling mistake found.
sudoku
and cartoons which are knowledgeable and useful.
In addition
, during a busy day, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
gives relaxation and entertainment at work places.

To recapitulate, everyone should be aware of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
affairs to expand one's knowledge and to gain more insight, they are more advisable, informative and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's judgement which are vital in everyone's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay TPO 12 - Question 3The woman supports the proposal described in the article. Explain why she thinks it will achieve the university’s goals. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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