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tpo33-Do you think that eating healthy food is easier or more difficult today than it was 40 or 50 years ago? v.1

tpo33-Do you think that eating healthy food is easier or more difficult today than it was 40 or 50 years ago? v. 1
It is certainly true that some individuals give preference to spend their life in a house, but others believe that small-flat is the perfect place to live. Personally, I believe that it has more advantages to live in a private-house than its disadvantages. Admittedly, there is one of the major reasons that why people feel reluctant to live in a private-house and prefer an apartment is an expensive price of constructing a new house. In other words, it would require strong financial background either to buy or construct a own-house. People have to invest a large amount of money in order to live in their personal-home and it would become impossible in this costly modern era, where people are merely able to complete their basic needs. Hence, the majority like to live in rental houses However, I deem that advantage of living in private-home is more significant. This is because individuals can feel not only different experience, but also lives comfortably in a big-house. First, due to large spacing people could build or renovate anything in their own house without any restriction. While, such things are not possible to enjoy in a rental-apartment. For example, there are many rules and regulation that people have to follow during living in flat but not in their own-home. Secondly, if people want to spend their life in an apartment, then they will have to pay monthly rent to the owner of the rental-accomodation. In contrast, if someone purchases their personal-flat, then it will be free of cost to stay without paying any rent. In conclusion, while there is one negative point such as a large term of an investment to live in a personal-building, but its advantages like convenience and rent free building make it a more preferable option.
It is
certainly
true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals give preference to spend their life in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
-flat is the perfect place to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
.
Personally
, I believe that it has more advantages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in a private-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
than its disadvantages.

Admittedly
, there is one of the major reasons that why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel reluctant to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in a private-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and prefer an apartment is an expensive price of constructing a new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.
In other words
, it would require strong financial background either to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
or construct
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
invest a large amount of money in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in their personal-home and it would become impossible in this costly modern era, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
merely
able to complete their basic needs.
Hence
, the majority like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in rental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses


However
, I deem that advantage of living in private-home is more significant. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
individuals can feel not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
experience,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
comfortably
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.
First
, due to large spacing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could build or renovate anything in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
without any restriction.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
, such things are not possible to enjoy in a rental-apartment.
For example
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulation that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
follow during living in flat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
-home.
Secondly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to spend their life in an apartment, then they will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay monthly rent to the owner of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
rental-accomodation
.
In contrast
, if someone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
their personal-flat, then it will be free of cost to stay without paying any rent.

In conclusion
, while there is one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
point such as a large term of an investment to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in a personal-building,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
its advantages like convenience and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
rent free
building
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it a more preferable option.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay tpo33-Do you think that eating healthy food is easier or more difficult today than it was 40 or 50 years ago? v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
296 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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