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TPO32Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Because the world is changing so quickly, people now are less happy or less satisfied with their lives than people were in the past. v.2

TPO32 Because the world is changing so quickly, people now are less happy or less satisfied with their lives than people were in the past. v. 2
Many individuals ignore the essence of traditional or religious festival, as they are more inclined to enjoy themselves during festival periods. I absolutely agree with the view stated, as the traditions followed by the older generations are fading away. Festivals are the reason for families to get together. They bring a sense of joy, gratitude, and warmth among people in society. It is that time of the year, when people are out of their homes meeting, and greeting one another. All festivals, whether Christmas, New Year, Diwali, or Ramadan have a set of traditions to follow. For example, for Diwali Hindus have a bath early morning, and head to the temple before proceeding to wish their fellow men. Since traditions form an integral part of one's life, a child is brought up with certain values. However, nowadays the rules are not the same anymore. Human beings live in a fast paced life, no one wants to wait for something to happen. For instance, the sweets prepared for Christmas were initially made by households in which mothers, and daughter would bond. Although due to the availability of ready-made sweets people do not wish to spend hours to prepare a dish that would be gulped in minutes. In addition, the chocolate brand Cadbury took over the market with their advertising campaigns to replace sweets with candies. The idea is to live for the moment, so youth make the most of a festival by stocking their phone library with photographs. Adults are no different, as they follow the same trend that excites their children. In days of old parent's dictation of traditions were the norm, but today the rules are amendable. In conclusion change is necessary, but not to an extent that it replaces the way human functions in society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the essence of traditional or religious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
, as they are more inclined to enjoy themselves during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
periods. I
absolutely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the view stated, as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
followed by the older generations are fading away.

Festivals are the reason for families to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
together. They bring a sense of joy, gratitude, and warmth among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in society. It is that time of the year, when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are out of their homes meeting, and greeting one another. All
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
, whether Christmas, New Year, Diwali, or Ramadan have a set of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
to follow.
For example
, for Diwali Hindus have a bath early morning, and head to the temple
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
proceeding to wish their fellow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
form an integral part of one's life, a child
is brought
up with certain values.
However
, nowadays the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
are not the same anymore. Human beings
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced life, no one wants to wait for something to happen.
For instance
, the sweets prepared for Christmas were
initially
made by households in which mothers, and daughter would bond.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
due to the availability of ready-made sweets
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not wish to spend hours to prepare a dish that would
be gulped
in minutes.
In addition
, the chocolate brand
Possible spelling mistake found.
Cadbury
took over the market with their advertising campaigns to replace sweets with candies.

The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
for the moment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
youth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the most of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
by stocking their phone library with photographs. Adults are no
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
, as they follow the same trend that excites their children. In days of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
parent's dictation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
were the norm,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
are amendable.

In conclusion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
is necessary,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not to an extent that it replaces the way human functions in society.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay TPO32 Because the world is changing so quickly, people now are less happy or less satisfied with their lives than people were in the past. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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